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Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'
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March 25, 2006, 10:23 am PST
 Quote From: julie1418 My last reply wiped out, so I'm going to try again. Forgive me if I post twice.
I am rather reluctant to get very specific about Grant and Kelly, because in is recent posts, Grant seems to have calmed down and is perhaps doing some thoughtful reflection. Some posters seem to be trying to push him into defensive mode for their own enjoyment, and that is not my intent.
So.....this is more for your clarity, and our friendly debate, than to provoke Grant.
Go look at the boards for I'm a Slave to my Spouse and see if you still believe there is an age/gender bias.
In my opinion, at least at the time the shows were aired, that Grant wanted Kelly more organized for her sake, but still to his standards. That will never work. If she wants to become better organized, and he doesn't want to interfere with the process, why doesn't he enlist the aid of an expert, and then stay out of it?
I think Kelly got a lot of sympathy for several reasons.....
1) She genuinely seems to love Grant and want to make her marriage work. By Grant's own admission, Kelly has been focusing on his concerns, just not "enough". 2) Grant's complaints were so across the board, from cooking, cleaning, organization, sex appeal.....that it seems implausible that Kelly ever could meet his approval 3)Not once has Kelly tried to turn the tables on Grant and complain that he doesn't help enough. She only expresses frustration with not feeling good enough for his demands. 4)Grant's focus was very much on himself and his needs, and he seems to blow pass what it takes to care for three toddlers all day, every day.
The "meaning" behind the words is quite debatable, hence close to 3000 posts!! You and I are never going to agree on all of this. I'm just glad we've been able to keep it civil :)
Be careful not to get defensive yourself. I've read what you've written to other posters, and I'm picking up a sense of you wanting to draw "sides" rather than engage in healthy debate and find middle ground. I agree some posters are becoming a bit mean-spirited.
I have suggested getting help, but sometimes people can't afford to hire out. My suggestion was to find someone you respect and admire at the things you want to change and ask them for help. Most people who are organized or what have you would love to help someone else because they are proud of what they do. I agree with you on why so many people had sympathy for Kelly. I have sympathy for Kelly on some of the issues. I don't believe Grant is totally right in this situation. My issue was more with Dr. Phil, but this board has been so against Grant that anything positive that he tried to bring to the table was simply ignored or overlooked. I believe that part of the reason why Kelly did not turn the tables is because many of the things Grant is talking about she wants to improve on as well. I don't think she disagrees with him about many of his requests as much as she disagrees with how he goes about asking for the request. It simply comes down to communication. How my husband and I communicate is not the same as you and your husband and so on. I think the "it" is communication. Grant should be able to request things, as Kelly should be able to too, but she shouldn't take them so personally and he could lighten up a bit. The thing is I think many of us agree on many things, but semantics and emotions run high here. Sometimes the points are misinterpreted. I agree with the being civil thing. I think that you gain more credibility and respect from just being able discuss things rationally. |
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