Replies to 'Breaking Up'

Please be unselfish and let your boyfriend go to find someone else. My God, you're only 20 years old. You are not in the "nesting" stage of life, and so it's hard for you to keep your clothes on when some "bad boy" turns on his charms (or you drink excessively, or are feeling bad about yourself, or your boyfriend makes you mad, etc.).  

IMHO, you don't "love" your boyfriend you just think you do. But there's no dishonor in that. Very few 20 year olds are emotionally ready enough for a long-term stable, monogamous committment. You've shown that by being wooed to bed by some guy you don't even know.  

You and your boyfriend should be hoonest with each other and part ways peacfully. Then in five years or so when you and he may be ready to settle down, consider dating each other again. If you're meant to be together you will. Now is not the right time. 

Friendli, 

I have been in almost the exact same situation as you are talking about.  I was in a relationship with my best friend since 6th grade.  He was exactly how you describe your current boyfriend.  But as you said, the feelings of wanting to be single plagued me.  I would flirt with other guys, and then get upset if one did not show interest back.... and one time I even caught myself going to bars where I thought single guys would be.  I was doing all this while I had my wonderful boyfriend sitting at home 300 miles away from me, not knowing a thing that was going on.   

The situation you are in right now has two options, and both are going to be very painful so be prepared. 

Your first option, and the one I recommend, is to peacfully end it with your boyfriend.  I know you have your doubts, but this would set him free and set you free at the same time.  Now I am going to warn you, because this is the stage I am in right now, its going to be very painful.  There are going to be times when you miss him, and want him back.  Crying everynight, thinking about him constantly... chances are youre going to go through this.   When my boyfriend and i broke up, i acted like i was ok, because i could finally live the single life that i wanted.  now 8 months later, i am still crying daily and wanting to call him but knowing that i cant because he has already moved on to another relationship and a life without me.  In the end though, I found that the feeling of losing him has made me such a stronger person, and even though i sturggle from time to time, i know that the next relationship i enter i will be a better girlfriend, and i will always carry the memory of my old relationship with me forever as a wound.  Be prepared for this. 

2. You can sit yourself down, basically slap yourself in the face, and picture your life without him.  Your life with your boyfriend leaving.  does it make you sad? or is there even that small hint of bright light that you see?  if there is that small bright light, then thats your sign to end it.  if you feel absolutely crushed at the thought of him leaving you and you never speaking to him again, then stay in the relationship. Then you will have to decide whether telling him what you did is feasible.  It is the right thing to do, but you may not want to do it.  thats your call.  

like i said before, i was in your shoes.  20 years old, college, first serious boyfriend who happened to be my best freind since forever. And i lost it all because i wasnt satisfied.  The lesson you have to take from it is that the pain will make you a stronger person.  And if you dont feel as much pain and im preparing you for, then that means you didnt really love him like you thought (which very well might be the case)  I hope ive helped.  let me know if you need anything else.