Replies to 'Communication'

The first step in making change is admitting that you have a problem, and you have done that- as Dr. Phil would say, "You can't change what you won't acknowledge.." and thats the truth! You know this is a problem. Dr Phil has had people on his show with this exact same issue, and he asks them this: what is the "payoff" that you are getting from this behavior? There must be a "payoff" otherwise, you wouldn't be doing it. Even if it is a self-defeating payoff, its still a payoff.. For example, one woman on the show admitted that her 'payoff' was that every time she would ask her boyfriend the usual battery of questions upon his return home, he would always say that he loves her, and would assure her not to worry, that he wouldn't cheat, etc., etc., and she got to hear what she needed and wanted to hear.. however, it would drive him nutty because he always felt like he was being accused of cheating when he wasn't. Of course that behavior was driving a wedge between them. In your situation, you are in a long distance relationship, and perhaps it would be helpful if he was to assure you not to wait up for him, that he will be faithfull, etc., and then NOT call you, and thus, start breaking that habit. You have negative self-talk that will sabotage this relationship and every relationship you ever have until you learn how to defeat that negative self talk. I urge you to seek counceling, because you do deserve to enjoy a happy and healthy relationship, but you aren't allowing yourself to enjoy this for many reasons. Perhaps you also don't feel you deserve a faithfull boyfriend, too- there are so many factors. I think that a councelor would be wonderfull for you because you need someone to confide in, and that person can validate your thoughts and feelings while guiding you towards a healthy way of life. You deserve the best in life, you need to convince yourself of this!