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Replies to '03/28 Money Hungry'
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March 28, 2006, 6:39 am PST
 Quote From: ddgirl Well I am 21 years old, I have been living on my own for 3 years now, my mom has letting go issues
When I was 14 she decided to drop me off to live with my dads, and work in the usa so she can make enough to buy a house when she was finish working in the states about 3 years later I was not interested in moving in with her.
Then at 18 I went out and moved out on my own because I felt like I did not belong in the family, and that I was tired of being in the shadow of my younger sister, my sister is 18 years old your basically perfect child, straight As, getting scholarships for track and field and academics to almost any school she wants in canada and the usa. and my mom has the constant annoying and manipluative way of keep pressuring me to move back home, when I have no intentions of moving back home because I am tried of being in my little sister sucessful shadow.
I know me moving out on my own at 18 was not really the best planned out idea I had at the time, but it was the only way I could get my own indenty and find out who I am as a person, now 21 years old working on getting adult education programs to join into the midwifery program at one of the community universities, and my mom still thinks I am 12 years with no clues about life or respect the fact I pay all my bills, and support myself, threw stress and success all by myself Everytime I see my mom it is a constant argument "You should move back home, save up then move out" its like her way of telling me I messed up come back home so I can start over. When I know she did the best she could, to raise me to be a young adult, Can dr phil help my mom understand that I have left the ness and I need her move on to being a mom with an young adult child.
It's like she does not want to admit I moved out, and learning things for myself. and I really feel that I give in and move back home, my mom will basically push me away to move out again and if I have to do it the second time I will not talk to her again or if she continues to push me to move back home I feel that I have to cut off all communication with my mom all together.
Ya know, a lot of this will be answered when you become a mom. What your mom did in the past must be let go of. You must live now. Mom can never take back things of the past. It sounds like she is living with guilt. I am a firm believer that The Lord gave us two wasted emotion; "GUILT", you can't do anything to change the outcome because it's something that is done and over with, except learn from it and apologize, if needed. and "WORRY," you can't do anything about something that hasn't happened yet, except prepare the best you can for a possible outcome. and let go of it.
You must always love her and respect her feelings. She is your mom. But you are an adult. and have proving it, many times. Let her vent and don't take offense. If you stand your ground she will have to accept your decision. If she continues , just look at her with love and sternness and say, "Mom, DON'T GO THERE" , and change the subject.
I am a mother of 3 adult daughters. It was not easy to let go of my babies, but it is a must. God gave them to me to raise the best I could, not to keep. They are probably my best friends and they do love me. Your mother has yet to learn this. Help her, show her how to be your friend. Tell her what you need from her, but don't let her cross the line. I promise once she accepts you as an adult she is going to love the relationship. If you don't want her to tell what to do. Don't tell her everything. That's what a "friend" is for. You must remember that she will always be your mother first, and there is a protective mode that we get in . Moms will always want to protect. It seems that we have to fix IT, and most of the time you must fix IT and we must support you. Not an easy job.
I know you will do it. Get tough, but loving and STAND YOUR GROUND! Good luck |
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