Replies to 'The Other Woman'

When you were at her home and they were reminising, what was it that was so bad that made you get up and leave? When a child goes off to college, its kind of emotional, and its nice for his son that the two of them can look at the past and pick out the good times to reflect on. There isn't anything that you can do to erase his past, especially when it comes to raising a child, which is something they did together, before you were ever in his life. They have been divorced for quite some time, and you are the woman that he lives with and wants to spend the rest of his life with. Do you have a hard time believing him when he says that he would never get back together with his exwife? One thing that will make you more secure is time. You didn't say that you've experienced any holidays with the ex yet, only the graduation, and you pulled that off with grace, which is a good thing! I'm wondering why do you have to hang out with the ex on holidays, why not start new traditions since he isn't a 'family' with his ex anylonger? You and your boyfriend can have relatives over and his son to celebrate holidays, or go to other relatives and bring his son along, things like that. Is this his idea to spend holidays with the ex? That I do find a bit odd, I can't imagine spending the rest of your life hanging out with his ex every holiday. It is good to be kind and handle all situations with grace, but having to spend every holiday with the ex? That is asking a bit too much!  

Of course his ex is going to know him more then you do at this point, but you are the one who wants to know more, you are the one he is living with, she is the one he divorced. For the sake of his son, hold your head high and keep handling your meetings with grace. Over time, you will come to feel more secure in the situation. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but you will. Good luck! 

I know you can't understand this, but the connection one has with a person you have had children with, is never ever totally gone. Yes, you will have people that hate their ex's and don't want anything to do with them for many valid reasons, but the one thing that they have in common, is the love they have for their child. This is something not easy to deal with, but even in a bad marriage, there were good times, or they would never have gotten married. If all the talk was about good times, and had to do with a fond memory of their child, then you need to realize that there were good times between them at one time, and those times are gone.  

You talk about it being your boyfriend, and she has a boyfriend as well, well remember, your boyfriend chose you, and since no one is married, he could be with her if that was his choice, but it isn't. If you love this man, and your relationship is a good one, just realize that it is her loss, not yours. She may have some good memories of when they were a family, and it involves their child, but YOU have him, and accept the fact that you are HIS choice, not her.  I am sure you have a past as well, and I am sure you have fond memories of whomever is from your past. According to you, they were not reminiscing about their fond memories with just them, it was about their child, something you knew they had before you made whatever commitment you have with your boyfriend. Don't expect them to not have good memories about their child. I wonder if part of your jealously is because it is an area you can't share in, not being a parent yourself, more than him talking with his ex, that he chose to no longer be with. 

I hope this helps, and I hope you can be more secure in the fact that you are with him, because he chooses to be with you, just like you chose to be with him. Good luck