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Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'
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March 29, 2006, 10:07 am PST
 Quote From: kschmittz Well, I apologize for not responding sooner. Life is crazy. We are preparing for a week in Hawaii with the boys and that is very time consuming. Which brings me to my story to share...bear with me! MY idea of packing for this trip started months ago. Making lists, buying toiletries here instead of in Hawaii (huge sales taxes!) and organizing the clothes we would take right along with matching t-shirts for the swim suits for the kids! Also, MY personal preference/priority would be to make sure all papers are in the same place for easy access- itinerary, vouchers for certain events, etc. In my mind, this is not unreasonable or out of reach. It also goes to how I was raised and how things (for me) have always been. Now, my husbands side is very different. HIS idea of packing started this last Sunday- he pulled some swim suits and a couple of shirts from the closet, grabbed a toothbrush and put them in a bag! In HIS mind, we're ready to go. As you can see, my frustration level is getting higher and higher!The decision was made to pack my oldesn't son's bag. As I was pulling out outfits making a mental note of where they would be worn, I looked over to see they had been put in the bag! I lost it, yelled and then realized- he was trying to do good! Kelly is trying, too. Kids and life are NOT always perfect no matter what we do. All we can do is hope for the best and plan for the worst. Yes, I like order and I am more relaxed when things go smoothly and planning is a BIG part in that for me. However, MY HUSBAND cannot be expected to surrender to my line of thinking but rather make adjustments that do not demean, diminish or otherwise make him any less than he is. I hope this example serves you well. Your story is so funny. I was very much like your husband. Trying to help, but seemingly getting in the way. Then my husband would get upset and I would be thinking, "What the heck did I do? I was just trying to help!" Then it would be an arguement over something as stupid as a suitcase. You are right in the fact that you cannot expect your husband to surrender to your own line of thinking. I took a good look at what was going on between my husband and I and asked myself some key questions. The first being, was I really listening to what my husband needed vs. what I felt he wanted? There is a big difference. I also started to look at the things that I was doing and not doing. Attention to detail has always been a difficult thing, but seems to come so easy to my husband. So then I started to tell myself I need to start paying closer attention to detail. NOT because my husband pointed it out, but because I simply realized that it could make me a better person. My husband is an amazing man. He is many things that I want to be more like as I know there are certain qualities about me that he would like to be. I just needed to start putting it into action instead of just saying it. I am not saying that Kelly is or isn't doing those things I am just saying that that is part of my story and your story reminded me of it. |
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March 29, 2006, 3:25 pm PST
Quote From: kschmittz Well, I apologize for not responding sooner. Life is crazy. We are preparing for a week in Hawaii with the boys and that is very time consuming. Which brings me to my story to share...bear with me! MY idea of packing for this trip started months ago. Making lists, buying toiletries here instead of in Hawaii (huge sales taxes!) and organizing the clothes we would take right along with matching t-shirts for the swim suits for the kids! Also, MY personal preference/priority would be to make sure all papers are in the same place for easy access- itinerary, vouchers for certain events, etc. In my mind, this is not unreasonable or out of reach. It also goes to how I was raised and how things (for me) have always been. Now, my husbands side is very different. HIS idea of packing started this last Sunday- he pulled some swim suits and a couple of shirts from the closet, grabbed a toothbrush and put them in a bag! In HIS mind, we're ready to go. As you can see, my frustration level is getting higher and higher!The decision was made to pack my oldesn't son's bag. As I was pulling out outfits making a mental note of where they would be worn, I looked over to see they had been put in the bag! I lost it, yelled and then realized- he was trying to do good! Kelly is trying, too. Kids and life are NOT always perfect no matter what we do. All we can do is hope for the best and plan for the worst. Yes, I like order and I am more relaxed when things go smoothly and planning is a BIG part in that for me. However, MY HUSBAND cannot be expected to surrender to my line of thinking but rather make adjustments that do not demean, diminish or otherwise make him any less than he is. I hope this example serves you well. i really could see myself losing it over the swimsuit too! I don't think it is a good sign for me.
I feel like a lot of the time I have an alert/excitement/panic level that is OK if you are Jack Bauer disarming a bomb on the FOX network hit TV show 24 that airs Monday nights. Every once in a while something will happen that allows me to relax a little more than usual, and I feel almost exhausted. I don't know where this personality quirk came from, but in my case I know it is becoming a problem. You sound like a cool and collected person that will not blow your top when the anxiety level reaches the red line - good for you. I don't think I am like that yet. I'd like to say that when I get really stressed that I stop what ever I am doing, peacefully walk out the door and arrange flowers into a bouquet for my wife. I don't think anyone would buy it if I said that arranging flowers or catching rain drops with my tongue was my reaction. I think that I am going to learn to address this issue sooner than later.
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