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Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'
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March 31, 2006, 12:39 pm PST
 Quote From: mensan I've been thinking back--to 1988. Your respone to lacmictal is the response I had to Tegretol all those years ago. Like I had been let out of hell. It felt so good to finally feel like those moods weren't controlling me any longer and not to have to think about suicide all the time. Wow, it has been so long it's hard to remember what it felt like. It's also hard to convey to those on the board who haven't got there yet what it's like. I've been trying but you can probably do a better job as you are just now experiencing it. Catrina has been asking what it's like and I haven't been able to adequately tell her. It is actually hard to remember what it used to be like.
That is one reason why it hit me so hard when i had to go off meds in 2000. Like someone opened a trap door and dropped me into all that again. Talk about a basket case. And here I was trying to explain to a boss that I just wasn't up to normal right now. I remember the fourth of July weekend that year. I love my music. I couldn't even turn it on--I just paced from room to room--couldn't sleep, couldn't acccomplish anything, couldn't get my thoughts together. it seemed worse after feeling so good for so many years.
All of you who are reaching for it--keep trying. It is definitely worth it to get those meds right. It is hard to describe how much better it feels, because it is hard to remember how bad i used to feel. As I said, it's not perfect--but it's as close as we'll ever get. Hi Jane
I was placed on Tegretol in 1983...for seizure disorder though...but, that thought maybe it would also help with the mental illness...it didn't. Like we talk about one works for one and another for the other. It's weird...no one pill fits all. I will be happy to have a long time go by like you and not have those feelings ever again. So far so good. Usually, when the swing hits me is usually mid-month...so, we'll see. You know I have to do that mood chart...I actually have two days with NO sad feelings/depressed at all. A lot 2 or 3 and when I started they were 7 or 8. Pretty cool eh?
As you know I am totally hoping this is long term. I would have a hard time going back as well if it was that long (I think). Emotions/feelings are hard to explain...no matter what. I know today...I'm tired and still sick with my cold...but decided to take some time before I lay down to talk to you and everyone.
I am working on my divorce papers...what I wrote for the reason why I want a divorce is "so harsh". I wrote it with anger in me...so now I have to rewrite...displaying facts only and no emotion. He's going to s*** when he sees that. But, he should have never made a sexual advance towards my daughter...which sickens me. Also, the fact that I never knew he raped a 70 year old woman and was in prison for it...I threw up. His brother told me...after I made him leave. He asked why I made him leave and I told him...that's when he told me about the rape. We've been broken up before and he said he thought ex had changed...but has not...because we have reconciled in the past...he wanted me to know because of what he did to my daughter. There are many more reasons...and I put up with it far to long. That's all that's left and it's ready to go...he ripped up the papers before. So, I'm sure he will do it again. All I need to do is send it certified mail...he has to sign for it though. With the changes...I believe the judge will grant me a divorce with or without his signature. Wouldn't you think so?
You explain things well Jane, it's nice to have more than one perspective. I'm going to go lay down and I'll chat with you some more later.
Rhonda |
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