Message Boards
Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'
|
March 31, 2006, 9:17 am PST
 Quote From: emma08 Hi, I need help so bad. I yell, scream, curse, shout and feel like I'm going crazy all the time and I don't know why or who to talk to or who to see. I feel no one is willing to help and that i'm all alone. All my life I've been depressed about something. Either my weight, my emotional problems, my family problems, just life in general made me depressed. I was teased all my life, told I was fat, stupid, ugly and that I would never amount to anything and its come true. I was phyiscally, emotionally, and mentally abused by my family, peers and even some who didn't even know me. I was also sexually abuse by a man who lived across the alleyway of my childhood home for nearly 5 years as a child and nothing was ever done to him. So from all of my childhood drama has made me not very strong person mentally and I tend to blow up and take my anger and resentment out on myself or my children and husband. I never been to a doctor for my problems, I'm too scared. I never talk directly to someone and the few I've asked for help, have not helped, including here at Dr. Phil and even Oprah. I guess I don't deserve help or treatment for whatever is wrong with me. I've had my one and just run in with the law when I was 20 and so has my husband, but we've paid for our mistakes and deserve to be treated like everyone else, but we're not and is probally why they won't help. Who wants to help a felon, right? Plus, I'm on welfare, I don't have a car or money, my family and I live day by day and we get by. All my life I was treated like s*** so I'm use to it. I hated myself back then and I opened my heart up to easily and that led me to get hurt even more and also led me to slicing my wrist at the age of 18, but not bad enough to need sticthies. I used to think about killing myself and how I could do it, where I would have the bottle of pills in my hand or the razor, but I wasn't even strong enough to do that. I haven't had any thought of that for a very long time and am so thankful, but I know that I need help before it starts again. Do I have Bi-Polar? I don't know, but I really wish I could find out through a realiable source. I'm scared to talk to my doctor because one, they already look down upon me because I'm on medicaid and they don't don't really get down to the problem, they just try and mask it with medication. I told her that I've been feeling depressed and I've been having chest pain/heart palpatations and like I said instead of looking into it further she put me on medication, medication that hasn't helped me, like Wellbutrin XL, which is what my doctor put me on because she said that I have "anxiety" and it would help me lose weight, well it hasn't helped and she also put me on Metoprolol to help regulate my blood for my irregular heartbeat and that too hasn't helped and I still get heart palpations and I also get a rapid heartbeat sometimes as well. I feel like I'm going to die of a heart attack or stroke or something like that all the time and I'm scared to death and so worried. Please I'm a 28 year-old wife and mother of 3 young children and I don't want to be misdiognosed and have my children taken away from me or end up dying and leaving them without a mother. I'm soooooo scared, can someone please give me a word of advice on what I can do and some encouragement, I need it so bad. Please I'm crying out for help, but no one hears me. Patti. You're just spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. And you won't until you take positive steps to get yourself out of the quagmire you are in. The first thing you need to do is get diagnosed. None of us here can tell you if are depressed or bipolar. Only a psychiatrist who talks with you, observes you, and takes a history from you can do that. You need to go to your county mental health clinic and get started on the road of feeling better. Why don't you read some of the entries here on the board and you will find that you are not alone. We have people here who are in all phases of recovery, but we are all trying to get better.
Medication does not "mask" a problem, the right medication will give you control over your moods and therefore over your actions. Getting the right medication can mean a long road of trying different medications until you hit on the right combination for you. It can be frustrating, but it is worth it to reach the peace you deserve. Please try. And let us know on the board how you are doing. You will find that we care. |
|
|
March 31, 2006, 4:00 pm PST
Quote From: emma08 Hi, I need help so bad. I yell, scream, curse, shout and feel like I'm going crazy all the time and I don't know why or who to talk to or who to see. I feel no one is willing to help and that i'm all alone. All my life I've been depressed about something. Either my weight, my emotional problems, my family problems, just life in general made me depressed. I was teased all my life, told I was fat, stupid, ugly and that I would never amount to anything and its come true. I was phyiscally, emotionally, and mentally abused by my family, peers and even some who didn't even know me. I was also sexually abuse by a man who lived across the alleyway of my childhood home for nearly 5 years as a child and nothing was ever done to him. So from all of my childhood drama has made me not very strong person mentally and I tend to blow up and take my anger and resentment out on myself or my children and husband. I never been to a doctor for my problems, I'm too scared. I never talk directly to someone and the few I've asked for help, have not helped, including here at Dr. Phil and even Oprah. I guess I don't deserve help or treatment for whatever is wrong with me. I've had my one and just run in with the law when I was 20 and so has my husband, but we've paid for our mistakes and deserve to be treated like everyone else, but we're not and is probally why they won't help. Who wants to help a felon, right? Plus, I'm on welfare, I don't have a car or money, my family and I live day by day and we get by. All my life I was treated like s*** so I'm use to it. I hated myself back then and I opened my heart up to easily and that led me to get hurt even more and also led me to slicing my wrist at the age of 18, but not bad enough to need sticthies. I used to think about killing myself and how I could do it, where I would have the bottle of pills in my hand or the razor, but I wasn't even strong enough to do that. I haven't had any thought of that for a very long time and am so thankful, but I know that I need help before it starts again. Do I have Bi-Polar? I don't know, but I really wish I could find out through a realiable source. I'm scared to talk to my doctor because one, they already look down upon me because I'm on medicaid and they don't don't really get down to the problem, they just try and mask it with medication. I told her that I've been feeling depressed and I've been having chest pain/heart palpatations and like I said instead of looking into it further she put me on medication, medication that hasn't helped me, like Wellbutrin XL, which is what my doctor put me on because she said that I have "anxiety" and it would help me lose weight, well it hasn't helped and she also put me on Metoprolol to help regulate my blood for my irregular heartbeat and that too hasn't helped and I still get heart palpations and I also get a rapid heartbeat sometimes as well. I feel like I'm going to die of a heart attack or stroke or something like that all the time and I'm scared to death and so worried. Please I'm a 28 year-old wife and mother of 3 young children and I don't want to be misdiognosed and have my children taken away from me or end up dying and leaving them without a mother. I'm soooooo scared, can someone please give me a word of advice on what I can do and some encouragement, I need it so bad. Please I'm crying out for help, but no one hears me. Patti. I had this thing called Premature Atrial Contractions, they made my heartbeat feel like it was skipping. Also it made me feel like there was pressure in my lungs and I needed to cough. The blood was backing up in the other chambers or something. Any way now that I am calmer I don't have them hardly at all. I was on meds for depression for years off and on, but It never quite did the trick. I still felt like blowing up over stuff. A mood stabilizer, seroquel, was introduced in February and I am so much more in control and have a better view from in here. I was extremely negative and harsh. My blood pressure was 144 over 115 then when it used to be 120 over 80. Now it's coming back down, 130 over 90 . I hope it lasts.
Ask about that and tell your doc., maybe if you felt better you wouldn't need to be dependent on Medicaid. The big jerks. Maybe your heart and bpressure would regulate like mine seems to have. Just don't give up. Make them hear you. Be a wet rash on their behind until they listen.Things can get better.
Vent anytime we all understand, Leslie |
|
|
April 1, 2006, 11:56 am PST
Quote From: emma08 Hi, I need help so bad. I yell, scream, curse, shout and feel like I'm going crazy all the time and I don't know why or who to talk to or who to see. I feel no one is willing to help and that i'm all alone. All my life I've been depressed about something. Either my weight, my emotional problems, my family problems, just life in general made me depressed. I was teased all my life, told I was fat, stupid, ugly and that I would never amount to anything and its come true. I was phyiscally, emotionally, and mentally abused by my family, peers and even some who didn't even know me. I was also sexually abuse by a man who lived across the alleyway of my childhood home for nearly 5 years as a child and nothing was ever done to him. So from all of my childhood drama has made me not very strong person mentally and I tend to blow up and take my anger and resentment out on myself or my children and husband. I never been to a doctor for my problems, I'm too scared. I never talk directly to someone and the few I've asked for help, have not helped, including here at Dr. Phil and even Oprah. I guess I don't deserve help or treatment for whatever is wrong with me. I've had my one and just run in with the law when I was 20 and so has my husband, but we've paid for our mistakes and deserve to be treated like everyone else, but we're not and is probally why they won't help. Who wants to help a felon, right? Plus, I'm on welfare, I don't have a car or money, my family and I live day by day and we get by. All my life I was treated like s*** so I'm use to it. I hated myself back then and I opened my heart up to easily and that led me to get hurt even more and also led me to slicing my wrist at the age of 18, but not bad enough to need sticthies. I used to think about killing myself and how I could do it, where I would have the bottle of pills in my hand or the razor, but I wasn't even strong enough to do that. I haven't had any thought of that for a very long time and am so thankful, but I know that I need help before it starts again. Do I have Bi-Polar? I don't know, but I really wish I could find out through a realiable source. I'm scared to talk to my doctor because one, they already look down upon me because I'm on medicaid and they don't don't really get down to the problem, they just try and mask it with medication. I told her that I've been feeling depressed and I've been having chest pain/heart palpatations and like I said instead of looking into it further she put me on medication, medication that hasn't helped me, like Wellbutrin XL, which is what my doctor put me on because she said that I have "anxiety" and it would help me lose weight, well it hasn't helped and she also put me on Metoprolol to help regulate my blood for my irregular heartbeat and that too hasn't helped and I still get heart palpations and I also get a rapid heartbeat sometimes as well. I feel like I'm going to die of a heart attack or stroke or something like that all the time and I'm scared to death and so worried. Please I'm a 28 year-old wife and mother of 3 young children and I don't want to be misdiognosed and have my children taken away from me or end up dying and leaving them without a mother. I'm soooooo scared, can someone please give me a word of advice on what I can do and some encouragement, I need it so bad. Please I'm crying out for help, but no one hears me. Patti. Hi Patti
I read your post and because it sounds so much like me...it scares me. I get the emotional pain...because it floods back.
One thing you have to be able to express what's going on to your doctor...and when you are in there...they hear what it is at that moment. I understand what you are saying all to well. My suggestion is to copy your post and take this to the doctor.
Also, the doctors are not supposed to care how they get paid and I have not met one yet. That could be how your feeling and you are reflecting your feelings to them. However, if it is really true there are avenues to make a complaint about the services...also you have the choice to select another doctor. You would have to go through the social service office to do that...but it can be done.
Okay...you ask if you have bipolar...we are not physicians here...but there seems to be familiarity to your symptoms...but, these symptoms can also be a reflection of other diagnosis's...such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
I am on Wellbutrin (it doesn't help me to lose weight). But, I also am on a combination of medications. Wellbutrin, celexa, buspar, & lamicital. You may need more than one med. It also sounds as though you need to go through a coping skills group therapy session and have help in dealing with your childhood abuse (trauma).
You are where I was at the age of 28...I am now 48. I see your pain, feel your pain...it's my pain. You have to work hard to have some "normalcy" in your life. I believe I see paranoia in what you write...that's why I say to really look at the doctor...they should be your advocate to improve your mental health. Expressing myself at that age...you put it in words better than I could. And maybe you are like me...I can write how I feel better than saying it. That's why you should print out what you feel and diary it.
There's a lot of good support on this board...do remember we are people who've been through a lot of what you are going through. Talking to others, writing...does help. You can do it.
Chat with you later. Rhonda |
|
Return to the Message Board
