Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'

You're just spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. And you won't until you take positive steps to get yourself out of the quagmire you are in. The first thing you need to do is get diagnosed. None of us here can tell you if are depressed or bipolar. Only a psychiatrist who talks with you, observes you, and takes a history from you can do that. You need to go to your county mental health clinic and get started on the road of feeling better. Why don't you read some of the entries here on the board and you will find that you are not alone. We have people here who are in all phases of recovery, but we are all trying to get better.  

Medication does not "mask" a problem, the right medication will give you control over your moods and therefore over your actions. Getting the right medication can mean a long road of trying different medications until you hit on the right combination for you. It can be frustrating, but it is worth it to reach the peace you deserve. Please try. And let us know on the board how you are doing. You will find that we care.