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Replies to 'Communication'
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August 20, 2005, 6:44 pm PDT
 Quote From: harris I am a single 40 yo male who has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman of 14 years. We first met 2 years ago but we have been seeing eachother for 8 months. We bring the best qualities out of one another and challenge eachother to be better people in this affair. I have asked her why she is having this affair with me? Her reply was: You fullfill a void in my life which you made me realise I had, you have taught me things about myself that I had never been opened to in my life and mind. You open my life to opportunities and remove all boundaries and elevate me to a higher being"
I want a long term commitment with this woman. We have declared our deep love and respect for one another. She has expressed that she loves me and is in love with me, but does not feel the same "love" for her husband. She has told me that she wants 2 months to herself to feel confident that if and when she decides to leave her husband that she has at least made a fully informed decision to do so.
We have tried to resist the temptation to contact or see one another during this time but we have failed within the first week of our agreement. During the last few days she has said that she cannot accept divorce as an option given her love for her church, however she says that "I am her water of life and cannot live without me". She is very concerned about her soul if she does divorce, and would like to re marry in her church.
Her religion as a Roman Catholic is very important to her and I respect this. (She is finding it difficult to accept a divorce in the RC Church without a formal annulment of the marriage). I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her.
I am finding everything so uncertain in my life during this period as I am sure that she is as well. PS: We both do not have any children, however her husband is infertile which they found out 2 years ago. Her yearning for motherhood is also very strong. She is 35 years old. How can I help her to help herself and myself to move on with our lives whether together or not ? I have never bonded to another human being as I have with this person in my entire life and it is the most open, accepting, intimate and passionate, soul sharing moment whilst we are together. Your post is full of contradictions!! How can your lover be a devout Catholic who emphasizes that her marriage vows are very important, all the while having an affair for 8 months with you? I suspect that since you posted here, you know truly in your heart that this is all wrong, but because of your personal greed, you won't stay away from her. And because of her greed, she won't stay away from you, why should she when she has it made with everything the way it is? She already told you that she can't accept divorce, (more like "won't" accept divorce".) So now you are faced with either continueing to be her "water of life", which by the way is one of the oldest lines in the book, or taking charge of your life and making the decision that you DESERVE more then this relationship is giving you. Usually married people who have affairs do it to feel more attractive, vibrant, more "alive".... feelings that you get when you are doing something you know isn't right yet you are getting away with it, kind of like a crime. Your lover should be giving more of herself to her husband and less to you if she truly takes those vows seriously. Of course you are feeling uncertain, but you can't just wait around and let life pass you by while your lover has a whole other life without you. You can have a bond with another woman if you open yourself up to that decision. Can you picture yourself in 5 years from now? What will you be doing? I urge you to seek professional counceling, because you are in a serious situation that needs guidance. You can't do this on your own, and your lover isn't any help- she's more temptation. You deserve to love and be loved by someone else, don't settle for less then that. |
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January 1, 2006, 9:11 am PST
Quote From: harris I am a single 40 yo male who has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman of 14 years. We first met 2 years ago but we have been seeing eachother for 8 months. We bring the best qualities out of one another and challenge eachother to be better people in this affair. I have asked her why she is having this affair with me? Her reply was: You fullfill a void in my life which you made me realise I had, you have taught me things about myself that I had never been opened to in my life and mind. You open my life to opportunities and remove all boundaries and elevate me to a higher being"
I want a long term commitment with this woman. We have declared our deep love and respect for one another. She has expressed that she loves me and is in love with me, but does not feel the same "love" for her husband. She has told me that she wants 2 months to herself to feel confident that if and when she decides to leave her husband that she has at least made a fully informed decision to do so.
We have tried to resist the temptation to contact or see one another during this time but we have failed within the first week of our agreement. During the last few days she has said that she cannot accept divorce as an option given her love for her church, however she says that "I am her water of life and cannot live without me". She is very concerned about her soul if she does divorce, and would like to re marry in her church.
Her religion as a Roman Catholic is very important to her and I respect this. (She is finding it difficult to accept a divorce in the RC Church without a formal annulment of the marriage). I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her.
I am finding everything so uncertain in my life during this period as I am sure that she is as well. PS: We both do not have any children, however her husband is infertile which they found out 2 years ago. Her yearning for motherhood is also very strong. She is 35 years old. How can I help her to help herself and myself to move on with our lives whether together or not ? I have never bonded to another human being as I have with this person in my entire life and it is the most open, accepting, intimate and passionate, soul sharing moment whilst we are together. wow.....isnt that just a wee bit hipocritical of her? I mean, if she was that devoted to her religion, or to her wedding vows, her affair with you would never have begun and certainly would not have been continued. How can she be so concerned about her soul in the event of a divorce, but doesnt think twice about infedelity?? Nah....I'm thinking it's all just an excuse, and you're buying it. I dont doubt that she cares for you, but I think he whole "I love my church and respect my wedding vows" thing is a load of poop. Give her the 2 months that she has asked for to think about whether or not she wants to leave her husband, and when that time is over, make your own decision as well. My bet is that she'll say she's decided to leave him, but that she needs time to do it. Only you can decide how much more time you're willing to waste.
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December 13, 2006, 12:57 pm PST
Quote From: harris I am a single 40 yo male who has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman of 14 years. We first met 2 years ago but we have been seeing eachother for 8 months. We bring the best qualities out of one another and challenge eachother to be better people in this affair. I have asked her why she is having this affair with me? Her reply was: You fullfill a void in my life which you made me realise I had, you have taught me things about myself that I had never been opened to in my life and mind. You open my life to opportunities and remove all boundaries and elevate me to a higher being"
I want a long term commitment with this woman. We have declared our deep love and respect for one another. She has expressed that she loves me and is in love with me, but does not feel the same "love" for her husband. She has told me that she wants 2 months to herself to feel confident that if and when she decides to leave her husband that she has at least made a fully informed decision to do so.
We have tried to resist the temptation to contact or see one another during this time but we have failed within the first week of our agreement. During the last few days she has said that she cannot accept divorce as an option given her love for her church, however she says that "I am her water of life and cannot live without me". She is very concerned about her soul if she does divorce, and would like to re marry in her church.
Her religion as a Roman Catholic is very important to her and I respect this. (She is finding it difficult to accept a divorce in the RC Church without a formal annulment of the marriage). I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her.
I am finding everything so uncertain in my life during this period as I am sure that she is as well. PS: We both do not have any children, however her husband is infertile which they found out 2 years ago. Her yearning for motherhood is also very strong. She is 35 years old. How can I help her to help herself and myself to move on with our lives whether together or not ? I have never bonded to another human being as I have with this person in my entire life and it is the most open, accepting, intimate and passionate, soul sharing moment whilst we are together. I am 43 and married for 17 years.
Before my marriage, I had an abusive (emotional and physical) boyfriend who took money from me though out our relationship. I kept on thinking he would change but after five years, I was so broke and heart broken that I had to leave him.
Then I met my husband, because he did not take any money from me and I married him as I though he was so much better than my ex-boyfriend. The truth is, he abused (emotionally) me even before we got married. In my culture, this sort of things did not bother me and I tolerated him for 14 years including physical abusive for the last three years. For the next three years, I did not suffer much abuse; that was because I traveled half of the world to Canada to avoid him.
Now, my husband is trying to win back my heart but I no longer love him. Dr Phil was correct, it takes very long time for a person to change, if he ever change, but by then you probably no longer love him anymore.
I met a married man when I was at the bottom at my marriage. The affair lasts for a while and only ended recently. I did not go out to look for an affair; my husband was a great disappointment to me.
I just want to tell you this, as much as I love God and I treasure my marriage vows, I also want to be fair to men that are interested in me and are sincere about having relationships with me. I guess I have two options now, one is to keep my marriage, tolerant my husband to the end and stop having wondering eyes or I can end the marriage and start looking for a sincere person. I chose the latter.
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December 15, 2006, 10:13 am PST
Quote From: harris I am a single 40 yo male who has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman of 14 years. We first met 2 years ago but we have been seeing eachother for 8 months. We bring the best qualities out of one another and challenge eachother to be better people in this affair. I have asked her why she is having this affair with me? Her reply was: You fullfill a void in my life which you made me realise I had, you have taught me things about myself that I had never been opened to in my life and mind. You open my life to opportunities and remove all boundaries and elevate me to a higher being"
I want a long term commitment with this woman. We have declared our deep love and respect for one another. She has expressed that she loves me and is in love with me, but does not feel the same "love" for her husband. She has told me that she wants 2 months to herself to feel confident that if and when she decides to leave her husband that she has at least made a fully informed decision to do so.
We have tried to resist the temptation to contact or see one another during this time but we have failed within the first week of our agreement. During the last few days she has said that she cannot accept divorce as an option given her love for her church, however she says that "I am her water of life and cannot live without me". She is very concerned about her soul if she does divorce, and would like to re marry in her church.
Her religion as a Roman Catholic is very important to her and I respect this. (She is finding it difficult to accept a divorce in the RC Church without a formal annulment of the marriage). I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her.
I am finding everything so uncertain in my life during this period as I am sure that she is as well. PS: We both do not have any children, however her husband is infertile which they found out 2 years ago. Her yearning for motherhood is also very strong. She is 35 years old. How can I help her to help herself and myself to move on with our lives whether together or not ? I have never bonded to another human being as I have with this person in my entire life and it is the most open, accepting, intimate and passionate, soul sharing moment whilst we are together. "I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her. "
Mustn't be that important - you see that I'm sure.
The best thing you could do for her is to leave her alone to figure out what she wants. She is unable to make a clear choice while still involved with you and put yourself in her husbands shoes - how would you feel if you were him? Take it from me - I've been down this road before so I am in no way judging you - you need to end it immediately. Walk away while you still have your dignity intact and if it is meant to be she will leave her husband . |
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June 26, 2008, 8:57 am PDT
Quote From: harris I am a single 40 yo male who has been having an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman of 14 years. We first met 2 years ago but we have been seeing eachother for 8 months. We bring the best qualities out of one another and challenge eachother to be better people in this affair. I have asked her why she is having this affair with me? Her reply was: You fullfill a void in my life which you made me realise I had, you have taught me things about myself that I had never been opened to in my life and mind. You open my life to opportunities and remove all boundaries and elevate me to a higher being"
I want a long term commitment with this woman. We have declared our deep love and respect for one another. She has expressed that she loves me and is in love with me, but does not feel the same "love" for her husband. She has told me that she wants 2 months to herself to feel confident that if and when she decides to leave her husband that she has at least made a fully informed decision to do so.
We have tried to resist the temptation to contact or see one another during this time but we have failed within the first week of our agreement. During the last few days she has said that she cannot accept divorce as an option given her love for her church, however she says that "I am her water of life and cannot live without me". She is very concerned about her soul if she does divorce, and would like to re marry in her church.
Her religion as a Roman Catholic is very important to her and I respect this. (She is finding it difficult to accept a divorce in the RC Church without a formal annulment of the marriage). I also want to stress that she has emphasized that her marriage vows are very important to her.
I am finding everything so uncertain in my life during this period as I am sure that she is as well. PS: We both do not have any children, however her husband is infertile which they found out 2 years ago. Her yearning for motherhood is also very strong. She is 35 years old. How can I help her to help herself and myself to move on with our lives whether together or not ? I have never bonded to another human being as I have with this person in my entire life and it is the most open, accepting, intimate and passionate, soul sharing moment whilst we are together. What's wrong is wrong, cheating is just wrong. Your partner is living a dangerous and double life. Try to put yourself in her husband place, how would you feel if that was your wife. I really hope you do the right thing and break it of with her, try to see a couselor. Good luck to you. |
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