Quote From: mhomies5How can a woman have a baby and not want it. Well my mother did just that and told me throughout my childhood that if it wasn't for my father then I wouldn't be here. How is a child suppose to take that. When I was very young my mother tried to starve me. I have a younger brother, who got all the good attention, and three cousins who I used to play with and out of everybody I was the smallest but the second oldest. My grandparents knew what was going but didn't know how or what they could do. But I remember going to their house and eating like no tomorrow. When I got older it grew into jealousy because my father who tried to love me grew apart from me because of my mother. I grew up with love for my father and hatred for my mother mostly because she took my father away. And now I have no relationship with either of my parents. You grow up trying to find purpose in this world. I am in my fourth marriage and it is going well, for now until all the little demons start showing up telling myself that I'm no good and this person is going to leave me. I have tried counseling to no avail. I'm still trying to find purpose. For now my purpose is my 4 sons.
I know exactly what you're talking about. I still find myself not eating because of the way my mother treated me when I was living with her. Those emotional scars are horrible. I didn't have a dad that loved me either. I still have trouble eating sometimes because when I was about 14 or 15 she would make me wait until my stepdad, brothers (there were 5), and any other drunk male got what they wanted to eat and then if there was anything left I ate. But just for spite one of my brothers would sometimes steal the food off my plate and I knew it wasn't worth fighting for. I still have nightmares because of it. I'm learning to deal with all that pain. It's very hard, but I have a book that helps a lot because it guides me through the process of dealing with all that emotional baggage. I go through one chapter a day. And I pray........and pray.........and pray. That's the only way I know of for the scars to heal.
