Replies to '07/17 Mommy Dearest'

Quote From: sarabear

I remember when I watched the movie Mommie Dearest, it made me physically sick for a week. It is the best portrayal of someone with Boderline Personality disorder that I have ever seen. Its something that effected me deeply, because I was very close to someone with the disorder. In thearapy I came to realize how growing up with two drug addicted parents allowed me to be vunerable to someone like that. I have never so closely identified with somebody on television, as I did with Marri. I tried so hard to make my mom better, when I was little I thought that when I got older I would be smart enough to fix it. I subconsciouly became involved with people who needed "used" me and I tried over and over again to make them better. It never worked. It's devasating to realize your mom has used drugs for so long that she was never able and will never be able to give you what you so desperately needed when you were little. All children love their mothers and I wanted so badly to take her pain away and make her happy. I hoped in vain that if I could do that I would get what I needed. It was a destructive pattern I continued until one day my best friend who was a boderline tried to kill herself in our house, so that I could see how much pain I was supposedly causing her. It was also the last day I saw Emma, her little girl, who I had taken care of and grown to love very much. I took care of her as if she were mine, because crazy people can't be parents. It was here that I was struck numb by Jessica's story. I fear Emma will very likely be tortured in a similar manner. Its been over a year and I still grieve for her. I often have dreams where I am invisible, but I can interact with her as if I where her imaginary friend.  I also watch over, and protect her and I am somehow able to give her all of the things my beautiful Emma needs to be okay and happy. But she is not mine, and I have a hard time accepting a God who could place the worlds sweetest little girl in the hands of an actual mommie dearest a.k.a a real life monster and make it so nothing can be done about it. I am recovering from my wounds and what Dr. Phil said to Marri at the very end is true, and it was the first time I cried with somebody  I've never met. I saw the tapes of Jessica when she was little and wished for her to know that she was a very sweet and wonderful little girl.