Replies to '07/03 "I Want My Ex Back"'

Quote From: dgt123

To Amber:  I can so relate to your situation.  I am 40 years old and have been married to my husband for 16 years.  Regarding finances, he's the very same way.  Up until about 4 years ago, I was the one who wrote checks for the bills and we had a joint checking account.  My husband would continually spend money like we had a money tree in the back yard.  I had to juggle bills all the time and it was very stressful.  I tried and tried to talk to him about it but he is very immature and selfish.  I wanted us to work toward the same goals and his goal was to get what he wanted when he wanted it.  He would make major purchases without even consulting me.  One time he came home in a red corvette!  Another time he bought a 36' boat.  Actually, I think he bought about 3 different boats.  Anyway, when he would come home with this stuff I felt like he was doing it to me.  I'd ask him, "Don't you realize what this is doing to me?  We cannot afford this.  How are we going to pay for it."  His response was the way he grew up.  He'd pay for it as long as he could and then they could repossess it.  I was not raised that way and I did not want to live that way.  Like you I saw red flags before the marriage but I thought we had so much fun together that everything would work out.  Well, 4 years ago I ended up having a nervous breakdown and had to spend 7 nights in the psychiatric ward.  Which actually turned out to be the best thing I ever did for myself because they hooked me up with counseling and through that I learned to take care of myself.  While I was in the hospital and I told him that finances were my major problem, he said he would start paying the household bills and we could each have a personal account to pay for our individual credit cards, etc.  Well, that really took a load off me.  It feels wonderful not to have my money snatched from me because of his childish whims.  Since then I have been able to pay off all but one of my credit cards and I am saving money.  I hate that we have to like like this but this is the only way to keep my sanity.  About 2 days after I got out of the hospital and he knew that finances were pushing me over the edge, he came home and announced he had bought another very large boat.  I believe I stopped breathing for a moment.  I asked him how he could do this to me knowing what I just went through.  He said it was his money and he would pay it.  Anyway I haven't spent a dime on that boat but it just showed me that he was always going to think of himself first and the marriage second.  I didn't want to divorce because our daughter was 2 years old and I was afraid if we weren't married she would never see him.  I didn't think he would want his life bothered with what he called "that baby".   Since then I have learned to expect a lot less from him, actually expect nothing from him and I don't get upset because he never lets me down because I never had any expectations to begin with.  I truly hate that my marriage is this way.  If I had it to do over I never would have married him in the first place.  Think about that.  Think hard.  Take care of yourself.  If you don't take control of your life, someone else will.  I wish you much luck.  Sorry this is so long, I just kinda got on a roll.