Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

Brenda, you do have emotions & feelings about the events -- they can be good ones, sad ones -- and sitting back and allowing yourself to see what happens is a good way to understand.  That's how I'm doing it.   

I discovered that when I used a food journal with the 7 Keys (Weight Loss Solutions), I learned that I was able to list & keep to my planned meals until something happened.  So I developed a food journal - 1/2 of the page had the food diary - the other 1/2 had lines for me to write on.  So when I ate, I would write down about the events leading up to my eating. 

I learned that if an event occurred that caused me to go off-track, I would just lose it. But because I was part of a support group, I had to resurface because I had committed to doing the process of healing my life.  I was then able to pick up where I left off and see what happened.  Then I wrote about it.  Then using the tools in Self Matter, I learned to listen to what I was saying, which lead to "old memories" surfacing.   As those old memories surfaced, I just accepted that they were my scripts/tapes at work so I just allowed myself to tackle them 1 at a time. 

I used to write:  I am a 51-year old woman living her life as an 8-year old.  My memories only went that far back cause it was my most traumatic year in my life. The "before years" actually got erased because of it.  I had something like 4-6 events happening to me that year - starting with my sister getting hit by a car and nearly dying to losing our home and finally ending up in a new neighborhood.  By that time, I had made so many wrong assumptions about the events because of PEOPLE, PLACES, & THINGS.   

I allowed myself to acknowledged that I was 8 years old and I had to accept the concept that if I went off track at 8 years old that all that made me who I am today was based on those assumptions.  I had to challenge how I saw the world and it wasn't easy.  But I kept thinking about how an 8 year old thinks.  How much of the world they see and understood.  

Brenda, I suggested to members of my support group that they locate a cognitive therapist who is willing to use SELF MATTERS as a tool.   

also, write down your thoughts/feelings everyday if you can into a journal.  Currently, I'm using those 70-page spiral notebooks that go on sale now for 10 for a $1.00.  It allows me to put my thoughts & feelings down and go back to them later.   

But remember, you will find out that you will walk away from it - allow yourself the time away, but make sure you keep your books & journal & writings together -- you will return to it. 

p.s.  When I first started to heal nearly 14 years ago (9/27/91), I actually had to turn to a dictionary to name feelings & emotions.  I still have the little book.  I had to work on matching up anger, resentment, etc.  Luckily, it was my therapist at the time that bought it to my attention and I was able to figure out a neat tool that helped me with the process.  So doing emotional/feeling work wasn't easy for me.  It took me years.  Now, I've developed a tool which I call NAMING.  Like FLYING, FAIRY TALE, SOARING, ADVENTURE.  I found that I had enmeshed many different feelings into 1 script/tape so I named it as a whole.  Otherwise, I tend to get to detailed.  Then I posted the new "feeling/emotion" and read it for 1 month until I incorporated into my vocabulary.  Right now, I'm in the process of naming MY DYING FEARS.  When a dying thought occurs, I'm entering a script/tape that really is hurting my moving forward process.  Now, I'm able to focus on the emotions/feelings it brings up to me.  I'll let you know what I've named it - dying is so negative - I want a positive word/phrase to replace it with.