Replies to '07/03 "I Want My Ex Back"'

Quote From: werewolf

 Ok, Duane does need to grow up a little.  What really concerned me was the fact that Dr. Phil didn't take Amber to task at all!  Her behaviour is extremely controlling and vicious!  Amber is what I was a little over a year ago, a bitching, controlling wife finding fault with everything her husband does in order for her to feel like a big shot.  I nearly destroyed my own marriage with this very destructive attitude and behaviour.  I felt as though everything I did was right and that my husband was too immature to make the "right" (ie. MY) choices.   Eventually, it all came to a head and he outright confronted me about and told me "look, I love you with all my heart, but you can't keep controlling me like this.  I'm not a child, I'm a grown man.  I don't need another mother.  I can't be with you as a partner if you keep treating me with this disrespect."  I got very angry but that's because I knew he was right.  I didn't trust him to make the choices I would make.  I knew I had to get this attitude in check in order to keep him.  He never did anything to make me distrust him and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was treating him like this.  It took time, but I learned to let him go and not try to control him.  He stood by me through it all and helped me become the person I am today.  Now, I am no longer suspicious, angry all the time, or suffering from stomach upset due to stress.  I have seen firsthand that he makes good choices on his own.  I made the mistake of treating him like a child rather than a partner.  Our marriage is fantastic now and I can say that I no longer feel the "need" to control him.  It's wonderful.

Amber needs to stop acting like this if she expects to be in a relationship with ANYONE.  Duane is not the only one who will get tired of putting up with her controlling behaviour.  She will inevitably repeat this same mistake over and over, blaming each of her mates for HER problem.
You don't marry a man with the anticipation of  "fixing" him.  You accept him, flaws and all.  If you can't, don't marry him.  He may decide to change, and if he does, support him.  If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.  Take a good look at yourself on that tape Amber.  It's not a pretty display.

Quote From: werewolf

 Ok, Duane does need to grow up a little.  What really concerned me was the fact that Dr. Phil didn't take Amber to task at all!  Her behaviour is extremely controlling and vicious!  Amber is what I was a little over a year ago, a bitching, controlling wife finding fault with everything her husband does in order for her to feel like a big shot.  I nearly destroyed my own marriage with this very destructive attitude and behaviour.  I felt as though everything I did was right and that my husband was too immature to make the "right" (ie. MY) choices.   Eventually, it all came to a head and he outright confronted me about and told me "look, I love you with all my heart, but you can't keep controlling me like this.  I'm not a child, I'm a grown man.  I don't need another mother.  I can't be with you as a partner if you keep treating me with this disrespect."  I got very angry but that's because I knew he was right.  I didn't trust him to make the choices I would make.  I knew I had to get this attitude in check in order to keep him.  He never did anything to make me distrust him and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was treating him like this.  It took time, but I learned to let him go and not try to control him.  He stood by me through it all and helped me become the person I am today.  Now, I am no longer suspicious, angry all the time, or suffering from stomach upset due to stress.  I have seen firsthand that he makes good choices on his own.  I made the mistake of treating him like a child rather than a partner.  Our marriage is fantastic now and I can say that I no longer feel the "need" to control him.  It's wonderful.

Amber needs to stop acting like this if she expects to be in a relationship with ANYONE.  Duane is not the only one who will get tired of putting up with her controlling behaviour.  She will inevitably repeat this same mistake over and over, blaming each of her mates for HER problem.
You don't marry a man with the anticipation of  "fixing" him.  You accept him, flaws and all.  If you can't, don't marry him.  He may decide to change, and if he does, support him.  If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it.  Take a good look at yourself on that tape Amber.  It's not a pretty display.