Replies to '07/03 "I Want My Ex Back"'

Quote From: april2256

I too am in a similar situation as everybody else I am 32  been married for 13 years.  I left my husband about 6 months ago because of all the lies and all the cheating that was never ending.  In the whole 13 years he has cheated on me phycically not including the internet chats with multiple women and looking at porn.  He has cheated on me with at least 9 different women.  Over 13 years I have left 10 times always to come back it feels hopeless.  I leave and he comes to me and he tells me just what I want to hear and I go back even though deep inside I know that nothing will ever change.  Why do we do this to our selves?  I know he won't change Steve will be telling me how much he misses me and loves me and get in the car and call his girlfriend and tell her the same thing I know this but I feel like I have no control over my feelings.  I know before i even pack up my kids and myself and head back into this relationship that nothing has changed.  Now yeah at first it's wonderful he's attentive and warm he says he loves me he holds me at night and makes love to me all the time. Then 3 weeks into it it starts to fall back into the same patteren.  This time I am praying that it is different that I wll have the will power to stay away and make a new life for my self.  I am sick of being a victim of his sick games.  I am better than what he makes me feel that I am.  Over the 13 years I have gained so much weight I went from a very good looking 130 lb young woman to a 311 old feeling woman at the age of 32.  I know that this has a lot to do with it my self image and self esteem so if anyone knows how to rebuild all that please share.  I am currently in school and it's going good I think I have finally decided that I would rather just be alone than to be with him.  It's hard cause I know he doesn't want to be with me how could he when all he ever does is search for somthing better than me or at least that is the way it feels.  It is very hard because I am trying to stick to my guns and to stay single and to work on getting my life back together but it's like he won't let me leave.  Like that guy on the show he uses the kids to keep me on a leash, he says that if he can't have me then lets me friends I don't want to be his friend.  But he makes me feel that I am being so mean to him when I know deep inside that I am not.  I really don't know what to do or where to turn.  How do I move on when he's there all the time being charming and all that. How do I turn my back on my childrens father when do still love him very much?  These are questions that I ask myself everyday.  I don't want to feel like this anymore.  Sometimes I feel like getting in my car and just driving until I get far away so that he will never be in my life ever again.