Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'

I feel for you and understand what you're going through. I too feel so lost and alone, and I have my husband and our kids and his family around me all the time, who love and care about me, but they really don't understand what I go through on a daily basis. I feel people are judging me all the time and can see my rage and insercurities. I am not on any meds either, except Wellbutrin XL. My doctor told me I'm suffering from "anxiety" and that is what causes my heart palpatations and pain in my chest. She also put me on Metoprolol to help "regulate" my blood. All my life I've had servere mood swings and bouts of depression. I can't control my anger, I feel worthless all the time and that I'm not good enough and don't deserve to be "normal". I've never been hospitalized or told I had bi-polar. But I've gone to many websites and looked up info and took test's and all point to me suffering from it. My doctor don't see it I guess or maybe I'm not telling her enough about my symptoms. I'm on medicaid and it does not cover seeing a psychiatrist. And what has happened to you about your memory is excaltly what I'm so scared of or being told I'm an unfit mom and my kids being taken away from me. And for me I eat more, not less. I've gained about 25 lbs, because when I feel alone and depressed, food is my friend and comforts me. It's just so sad and depressing and I'm so scared of hurting my kids because they see me go through this and I take it out on them, by cursing at them, yelling, screaming, just flying off the handle. Anyway, just remember you are not alone and be thankful for the message boards, they are such a big help, well they are for me. They may not stop the emotional roller coaster your on, but it will help with the ride. Take care & God bless. 

Patti