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Replies to 'Troubled Teens'

 
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April 6, 2006, 2:13 am PDT

I know how u feel

Quote From: bam2468

Hello. I am a mother of four children. Daughters 18,15,11 and son 7. My first daughter was a breeze. I had no crazy teenage daughter stuff to go through. My second daughter whom is 15 which I know every child is different and I really never expected it to go so easy with her. Well my dilemma right now is that my daughter has cut herself a couple of years ago one time. And just recently my neice has informed me and her father that she had did it again alot worst then she had last time. She was angry because she was grounded for a week (no friends, no calls and no computer) of course her lawyer mode kicked in and she had to defend on how stupid it was how stupid her parents were and how much she hated us. Well after all argumenting was done she was given a month groundment and that would be when we found out she cut herself again. We are now in the process of trying to find a doctor outside of this small town that I live in. Where I have spoke to other parents whom have tooken there children to doctors regarding the same issue and as some of the children whom have posted messages say just a couple of visits and it is ruled out that they are teenagers. Me and my daughter have had good communication and she tells me just about everything more than what I need to know sometimes and she reminds me of how hard it is to be a teenage girl. She knows that I am here for her. Any advice regarding the cutting would be helpful. I guess the topic of cutting has gotten so bad my daughter tells me about how many girls do it at school and how they show it off as if they have gotten a new tattoo.  

I know exactly how you feel. I have been through so many things with my daughter. Recently the school called me. I guess one of her friends went to the dean and told her about my daughter cutting herself. I am fell to the floor when I heard this. I also found out this wasn't the first time she had done it. She isn't doing it bad enough to go to the hospital. Just enough though to freak me out when I find out. She is already in counseling. So I have contacted the counselor and let them know what is happening. I am sure u are as I am doing all we can to help our daughters. But doesn't stop us from worrying all the time.  

  

I wish I had a answer to all this. But I am as upset and worried and confused as you are. 

  

Dream 

 
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April 6, 2006, 10:42 am PDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: bam2468

Hello. I am a mother of four children. Daughters 18,15,11 and son 7. My first daughter was a breeze. I had no crazy teenage daughter stuff to go through. My second daughter whom is 15 which I know every child is different and I really never expected it to go so easy with her. Well my dilemma right now is that my daughter has cut herself a couple of years ago one time. And just recently my neice has informed me and her father that she had did it again alot worst then she had last time. She was angry because she was grounded for a week (no friends, no calls and no computer) of course her lawyer mode kicked in and she had to defend on how stupid it was how stupid her parents were and how much she hated us. Well after all argumenting was done she was given a month groundment and that would be when we found out she cut herself again. We are now in the process of trying to find a doctor outside of this small town that I live in. Where I have spoke to other parents whom have tooken there children to doctors regarding the same issue and as some of the children whom have posted messages say just a couple of visits and it is ruled out that they are teenagers. Me and my daughter have had good communication and she tells me just about everything more than what I need to know sometimes and she reminds me of how hard it is to be a teenage girl. She knows that I am here for her. Any advice regarding the cutting would be helpful. I guess the topic of cutting has gotten so bad my daughter tells me about how many girls do it at school and how they show it off as if they have gotten a new tattoo.  

sadly you daughter is right many students do 'show off' their cuts especially girls i imagine for attention or something. the school that i did go to (i was expelled) i knew a lot of people who did do that but they only think its cute if theres only like one cute i have not met anyone yet who has cuts up an down their arms who shows it off. i dont think that they realize that they can get in a lot of trouble. im only 14 i wrote in hear i dont feel like going in to it write now but feel free to read it if you want.its hard i kno and it will require alot of listening and understanding on your part but dont give up on her never give up my mom is making that mistake over and over again right now so im doing this on my own rite now. recognize the warning signs does she keep her wrists covered all the time or wear long sleef shirts wen its hot you have to recognize the signs before its to late because cutting can lead to more serious things if your not careful. good luck i hope this somehow helped you even if i am only a kid
 
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April 6, 2006, 10:49 pm PDT

cutting

Quote From: bam2468

Hello. I am a mother of four children. Daughters 18,15,11 and son 7. My first daughter was a breeze. I had no crazy teenage daughter stuff to go through. My second daughter whom is 15 which I know every child is different and I really never expected it to go so easy with her. Well my dilemma right now is that my daughter has cut herself a couple of years ago one time. And just recently my neice has informed me and her father that she had did it again alot worst then she had last time. She was angry because she was grounded for a week (no friends, no calls and no computer) of course her lawyer mode kicked in and she had to defend on how stupid it was how stupid her parents were and how much she hated us. Well after all argumenting was done she was given a month groundment and that would be when we found out she cut herself again. We are now in the process of trying to find a doctor outside of this small town that I live in. Where I have spoke to other parents whom have tooken there children to doctors regarding the same issue and as some of the children whom have posted messages say just a couple of visits and it is ruled out that they are teenagers. Me and my daughter have had good communication and she tells me just about everything more than what I need to know sometimes and she reminds me of how hard it is to be a teenage girl. She knows that I am here for her. Any advice regarding the cutting would be helpful. I guess the topic of cutting has gotten so bad my daughter tells me about how many girls do it at school and how they show it off as if they have gotten a new tattoo.  

Self mutilation is very common.  But just because it is common does not mean it is any less a pathological way of dealing with her problems.  I know a lot about cutting.  I have 32 master's units in Marriage and family therapy and have studied the subject quite well.  I am sensing your daughter is using cutting as a response to a mood disorder or to manipulate and deal with her internalized rage.  I would not feel guilt when you discipline her.  Don't believe that she is cutting because you are disciplining her.  She is cutting because she is extremely angry and is coping with her rage by cutting.  Please buy the book "Cutting".  It is a great book to help you understand her behavior and explain why she is doing it.  Also when you ground her I would not get into this arguing.  She is winning when she gets you to argue with her.  When you ground her keep your conversations to 2-3 minutes.  Also I would also rule out a mood disorder with regard to when she cutts.  I would make an appointment to a psychiatrist with regard to her possible depression and her self mutilation.  I would write daily about her moods and how she is behaving each day for about 1-2 weeks.  Take this journal to the psychiatrist and go over it with him or her.  This is very helpful for proper assessment.  I hope this helps.
 
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April 13, 2006, 12:16 pm PDT

helloo.. i just read ur post

Quote From: bam2468

Hello. I am a mother of four children. Daughters 18,15,11 and son 7. My first daughter was a breeze. I had no crazy teenage daughter stuff to go through. My second daughter whom is 15 which I know every child is different and I really never expected it to go so easy with her. Well my dilemma right now is that my daughter has cut herself a couple of years ago one time. And just recently my neice has informed me and her father that she had did it again alot worst then she had last time. She was angry because she was grounded for a week (no friends, no calls and no computer) of course her lawyer mode kicked in and she had to defend on how stupid it was how stupid her parents were and how much she hated us. Well after all argumenting was done she was given a month groundment and that would be when we found out she cut herself again. We are now in the process of trying to find a doctor outside of this small town that I live in. Where I have spoke to other parents whom have tooken there children to doctors regarding the same issue and as some of the children whom have posted messages say just a couple of visits and it is ruled out that they are teenagers. Me and my daughter have had good communication and she tells me just about everything more than what I need to know sometimes and she reminds me of how hard it is to be a teenage girl. She knows that I am here for her. Any advice regarding the cutting would be helpful. I guess the topic of cutting has gotten so bad my daughter tells me about how many girls do it at school and how they show it off as if they have gotten a new tattoo.  

m 15 years old and i was a cutter. I havent done it in a week, which is good for me. Grounding her? i know im not no mother but being in this situation i dont think grounding her would help, she wopuld feel guilty and maybe get depressed if she isnt already. Its hard to stop, ive been doing it for 2 years and erventually tried to comitte suiside. I just got out of tyhe sycheatric ward last week!! and being in there has compltetly changed my life. Yes it made me more depressed at first but it does help! it is h*** in there and i never want to go back.
 


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