Replies to '04/07 Social Taboos: Is This Normal?'

Hi Dr. Phil.  this is for your guest who swears.... 

My husband sometimes swears (very occasionally), and when I was younger I was highly offended as well, because I did not grow up in a "swearing" home.  Over the 20 years I began to realize that a swear word is just a few letters stuck together to form a sound.  "Why" is that word bad? I wondered.  I don't think I could find it in the dictionary, and I wanted to know its origin and literal meanings.  Eventually I did discover what some swear words mean, and why they are "wrong".   

I learned in Brittish Literature that in ancient times when the French began living in England, they did not relish the English language very much because it was considered "vulgar".  Because English comes from German, many people still consider the sound of German as "vulgar" or hard.  It is not a smooth or beautiful language to hear, like french, spanish or italian.  It has a choppy, war-like sound, and I am sure the elegant French thought the same thing.  The French elite soon banned alot of English words from their language, even though they learned to speak English.  One of my professors explained to us that this is why in English language only, we raise cows but we eat "beef" - the french thought it vulgar to eat "cow".  We raise pigs but we eat "pork" - again very vulgar to eat a pig.  Even now, in German when you order a pound of "hamburger" you have to ask for "hackfleish" - the literal translation of "hackfleish" is HACKED FLESH - pretty vulgar.  "What are we having for dinner mom?"  "Nothing fancy, honey, we're roasting some wads of hacked flesh out on the back bon-fire..."  Same is true for the word FART.  It's an Old English word that isnt "as" offensive as some words and one of the true remainders of our Old language heritage.  Basically the French decided that English was not that spiffy of a language, and I'm rather offended by that, I like my vulgar, war-like language, it's my heritage and no one has the right to take any part of it away - not even the explitives (though I do not use them).  I personally do not consider them "explitives" any more, but instead a dying part of my own language that another group decided was not elegant enough for them.  On to the word F**K, and SH*T. 

F**K:  According to Webster's on-line dictionary, it originates with danish and sweedish languages (the Viking languages, of course), and it merely means "to copulate".  I suppose the Vikings went around hoping that their cattle would "fokken" in order to bring them greater wealth and some food for the winter.  Likewise the Sweadish version of the word is "fokka", and they also hoped to have larger heards of cattle as a blessing of wealth.  Of course we don't wish that blessing upon people today, we hope they are "fertile and multiply"...but I fail to see the difference between this phrase and the intent of the Anglo Saxon intent - to copulate in order to gain greater numbers.  In Hebrew, the word is FRUITFUL, and you can find it's translation in Strong's Exhaustive Concordance, word # 6509, which translates from the Hebrew PARAH, meaning:  to bear, brin gforth, fruitful, grown or increase, and also refers to cow, heifer or kine.  Again it is the wish that the animal herds would multiply, and may also be applied to people in hebrew, as God uses it in Genesis.  I personally do not think that F**K is a bad or dirty word, it just means to gain an increase through copulation.  We all do that.  It's not bad.  Its just a word that has been "given" a bad meaning by some stuck up french people in another era.  Those people are dead now.  They don't make language rules.  And they don't govern me, so why should I do as they say?  Only because everyone out there "thinks" its bad, even though the evidence proves them wrong. 

THE WORD SH*T:  this is a word originating in MIDDLE ENGLISH.  It's old spelling is SCITE.  it means TO DIVIDE, and refers to excrement.  Unfortunately for all of us, if you are not dead, you will participate in creating excrement.  It's stinky, but everything gives off waste.  Even yeast gives off waste products in grape juice and that is what makes the grape juice (or other alcoholic beverages) alcoholic...so basically people will DRINK SH*T, but they will not say it...peculiar.   

Dr. Phil, I just think that people get so roped in to what they are told to do that they forget to think and explore.  I have another example that I am currently questioning.  It is the color terms used for different races, specirfically "black" and "white".  I was sitting thinking, one day, and realized that most "black" people are not actually "black".  I went and got a black object out and low and behold, it is a DIFFERENT COLOR from what is traditionally termed "black" complexion.  I further explored.  I am officially supposed to be "white".  I got a white piece of paper out and, guess what, I'M NOT WHITE!!!!.  What color are most people?  WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT SHADES OF BROWN.  So once again we have been TOLD by people who are now dead that a certain idea is actually true, when it actually is false even by evidence of the naked eye.  I challenge these false ideas.  The words F**k and SH*T are not "bad", they are from languages that were formerly condemned by some high fallutin' group who thought their language was better.  I disagree with "color coding" people especially with colors they obviously are not.  I think people need to ask, "is this really true?" and then explore a bit.   

As far as using these words in front of Children, (F and S), since thgese words are socially unacceptable for false reasons, we need not teach them to our children, so they will not be shunned by their piers and elders.  Not using such words is really a form of self controll, and usually the higher class persons have been able to display a greater degree of self-controll in the past, which is "why" a class system developed.  It all goes back to breaking society up into groups of people who judge others because some people "do" things that others do not.  I think we should keep the judgment on others to the truely bad behaviors like theft, murder, physical violence, lying, and so forth, and ignore bad language, it is only vulgar because it belongs to a language group formerly regarded as lesser.   

SOLUTION TO THIS MAN'S "PROBLEM":  Because his wife and children are being judged by the uneducated others when he uses this language, he needs to cease from using such language when they are with him, whether it is in private or public.  They are greatly embarrassed because of the judgment of community upon them because general society does not know the origins of such words.   He needs to select times when these words are appropriate and when they are not.  Using this kind of language with your trucking buddies and your motor cycle friends when out having a beer is fine.  When with your wife and kids at Chucky Cheese?  Nope, don't use it.  I suppose when you are copulating or creating excrement in private, it is "ok" to use such words...if the mood strikes.  I also think one should us the word in relation to what it means.  This man is using the word incorrectly.  The "F" word is a verb and referrs to the copulation of cattle, usually.  So next time he is trying to get a herd of cattle to copulate, he may use this word liberally, just as the word "bitch" referrs to female dogs in official paperwork - one should not refer to a human being with this word, not because it is insulting (though it is), but because it is not correct use.  I would like to remind this man that his family is his church.  Although you take your family "to" church, when you are at home, your family is your smallest community of faith, and you, the father, are their priest, in whatever you teach them.  Therefore use words with high ideals, and positive meanings so that your family can aspire to good things.   

Other words inappropriate - Damn - Damn is not a "bad" word either, it is a sentence to eternal separation from all that is good.  One should never wish that on another person, the wish may come back to you.  Only God can damn anything, and God usually will not do so.  He allows us to choose whether we want to dwell with him or not - we choose our own damnation, and God allows this.  Thererfore do not elevate yourself to God's level and begin pronouncing damnation on others, for even God will not do this. 

WATCH A POPULAR BRITTISH TV SHOW TO LEARN NEW EXPLITIVES:  I also suggest that this man rent the John Cleese t.v. sitcom called "FAULTY TOWERS" - it is about a man and wife who run a hotel and all the "wacky" things that go on in it.  When the woman mentions his wife's mother, he comes up with some very ridiculous explitives that are so humerous, that you just roll out of your chair, and guess what, they are not considered vulgar at all, insulting, yes, but so funny that no one could be offended.  Something about Hippopotomii, and other rediculous things.  Instead of ceasing to curse at all times, this man should try to put boundaries on "when" he curses, never around women and children - that's a good rule, and also never around ministers, educated persons, or employers.  Otherwise, curse away!