Replies to '07/21 Settle This'

Hi Beth.  I will try to explain this for you.  

  

Giving yourself the love you wish you had received refers to making a conscious choice to love yourself now like the people who raised you should have loved you back when you were in their care.  I means deciding to love, protect and nurture yourself like a good parent does for their child. 

  

It's all about loving yourself well so that you will not make poor choices in life which will only bring you future pain.  When we love ourselves well we take care of ourselves physically, spiritually and emotionally. (So we don't do things like smoking, driving drunk, sleeping around etc...)  When you love yourself well your self esteem rises and you automatically want what is best for yourself.  

  

People like Roberta who are just waiting for another person to fill the voids in their lives will never find what they are seeking, and will consequently always feel unhappy.  That is because they have failed to learn the lesson that each person has a responsibility to learn to fill themselves up!  Only when we have become fully formed and complete (or full) human beings are we truly able to love another in a way that will be ultimately successful. 

  

When people are unable to acheive becoming whole on their own, or must have the presence of another in their life to function as a whole, they become dependent - which is the opposite of what loving someone and being loved by someone is all about.  

  

Hope this helps! 

it  means to love yourself first then others. i learned that in thearapy a long time ago. it was explained to me that if  you cannot see the good in yourself and learn to like and appreciated yourself as a whole good and bad it will affect how you are with other people and how others see you.

if you keep demanding constant reassurance from others to the point it pisses them off you won't have anyone around you. but if some of that can come from you (ie, i AM a good person, what a GREAT day i had, how GREAT i look in this dress et la) you wont need to get it from someone else because you already feel happy with how life is  and wont have this hole to fill

Unless people truly love and like themselves, they are unable to receive love. Those are often the same people who are needy and end up destroying relationships.  

  

When I am not getting something I feel I need from someone, I find a way to get it elsewhere (no, NOT with another person!). I do things that make ME happy and aren't destructive.  

  

Sometimes people are either unwilling or unable to give us what we need (or think we need). We then have to make the decision to fill that void some other CONSTRUCTIVE way. If we can, we'll find the love and peace we are seeking.  

  

People don't make us happy. WE make ourselves happy and people are simply a part of the equation.