Replies to '07/21 Settle This'

Hello:  

I am a 23 year old married woman of 4 years and have a 1 year old. I disagree with Dr. Phil stating that you need to save up $10,000 before your child is born. You will never have enough money and your emotions will never be the same even if you think you are "ready". It is good to have some savings and to buy things each week (ie diapers, wipes, etc) before the child was born and to save money but I do believe his figure is astronomical. I am a college graduate as is my husband and there are time we also struggle. But look into your insurance and getting disability while mom is off. Also check day care and cost to see what is "really worth it". A baby is a big responsibility and a lot of love but I am so glad I did it young so that I can run around with my kids and be aroung long enough to see their kids (not saying older parents cannot). I measure my life in love. And my daughter is the best at giving unconditional love. 

Hi Steve and Heather... 

I was there at the show you were on, actually had a great time...LOL 

But, I will have to agree with Heather, I am a mom of 2 children, and to be honest there is never a good time to have children, now I'm not saying if you neither of you have a job or in major financial debt, then of course it's REALLY not a good time to have a child.  But, both of my parents were older when they had me, (30-35), and to be honest I am very mad at them for doing that.  For one, I'm very lucky they are in good health and still do what ever they want at 67-72, but I feel a little cheated (or selfish) that they might not get to see their great grandkids, and two, I never had a grandpa, they were both dead b4 I was even a year old.  Also, yes, I had my first one when I was 20, (he is like my best friend), and was not married to his dad, then 4 1/2 yrs later, met my husband, and I told him if we didn't have a child by the time I was 30 we wouldn't have one, well, needless to say my other son was born right at 9mo. after our wedding... yeah, that was a little quick, but I don't regreat it cuz I can still relate to my kids and enjoy still being young and able to keep up with them. 

My brother who is 5 yrs older than me did what my mom and dad did, and his kids are only 5 & 8 and he and his wife are 43, and when I get to be 40, my oldest will be 20.  Just my feelings on it, just thought I would share.  But really good luck to you both, and hope you had as good of a time as I did... 

Lisa 

Hi Steve, 

I agree with you that you should wait.  Many  young families don't have the luxury of planning for a baby and it's true that there is never a "right time" to have a baby but if you can already acknowledge the fact that perhaps you're just not ready whether it's a maturity issue or a financial issue then you should wait.  Not to offend you in any way but I feel that most  young men are just too selfish still and they do want to play their sports or whatever and they still enjoy their freedom.  I think that if you have a baby when you strongly feel that you're not ready,  both of you will have some trouble later.  Again, I meant no offense to you and I do not think that you are immature, but if you're not ready, you're not ready. 

Hey ...to Steve and Heather from llmo up here in Canada, Sudbury infact, Well first ...Steve should stop beating around the bush with excuses and just say what the real reason actually is, then it will be much easier to cope with. And WOW like you's need to be told that "It's a life-long commitment"(wow what knowledge....duh!). And I don't think that many couples out there EVER have enough money to start a family. Hey Steve are your sports all free? You'd be surprised how money is found for the things you really want eh?-meaning all your sports(lol) 

Our story is Dating for 3 years- Got engaged on my birthday in 1993- started wedding plans ordered invitations for a great August wedding- Jan 1994 found out I was pregnant (an oops - My husband snowblowed the driveway at his parents house til you saw bare ground, while I cried for hours ...Note I was 23 and he was 26 years old) THEN baby was due in Sept, so we moved our wedding to April 30th, 1994- Married built our house , moved into it in August and our son was born Sept 16 ,  and well after that we decided that our family was started, we were going on til we were done (so they would be close in age) but my son died Nov 1994 of SIDS, and well... we did what we had decided, to continue... our daugher came Oct 18th, 1995 ,then my second daughter came Feb 1997 and we are done (by me 26 and him 29). We are living on one income and we are doing okay , not alot to spare as we also live pay check - pay check.(not highly recommended) BUT I have what is worth the most in the world ,a GREAT husband & father and Two beautiful girls(Bailey & Randi).  

I agree with Heather I PERSONALLY didn't want to be an old mom, I too want to be young enough to have fun with my girls in their adult years. 

My mom is 58 and well us FIVE girls range from 40, 39, me 35, 25 and 23, and we are all the best of friends , my mom still parties with us girls- mind you ...she's mostly our Designated Driver But hey, we all HANG! 

The whole point is IS ANYONE EVER TRULY READY and JUST BE HONEST WITH HEATHER and maybe she'll understand.No more excuse "the truth shall set u free.....LMAO"  Good luck Guys! 

Gidday Eh! 

I really applaud the two of you and your willingness to thoroughly discuss this before bringing a baby into the world. Maybe I'm jaded, but after working in child welfare for 14 years, I have seen way too many people who should've never had children. So what I've seen is extreme, but I have encountered way too many hungry, sick, and homeless children because there was no money for food, medicine, or shelter to take financial security lightly! 

Heather seems like a sweet lady who would make a great mom. Sometimes in our 20's, women see 30 as a milestone age...she still has a few years to go! Please don't underestimate, though, the financial impact that kids bring. I think it is unfair to a child to "rush" to bring them into the world because the parent has a need (i.e., biological clock, etc). That's putting the parent's needs first and the child's second alreadly...if that makes sense. The greatest gift parents can give to their children is the gift of bringing them into a safe, loving, supportive, and yes, financially secure environment! 

Dr' Phil's idea to make a financial plan and save $$ toward the baby was great. Maybe the two of you can sit down and make a 1,2, or even 4 year plan of how you will attain this goal. The two of you seem like you will make terrific parents once you both feel it is the right time. Good luck!