Replies to '07/21 Settle This'

Beth, I am so glad you wrote back.  Do you mind if I ask your age? 

It sounds to me like you may be depressed.  Have you ever seen a doctor and been evaluated for depression?  There are great medications out there that can really help pull a person out of the sorrow and fog of depression.  So, please consider talking to someone about that okay?  Especially if you are tempted to hurt yourself (even in the smallest of ways).   

It IS hard to feel positive when we are angry. That is why you also need to find a therapist to talk to.  Someone who can help you identify your source of unhappiness and work with you to heal the anger.  If you don't have insurance, or have limited finances, try calling the United Way in your city. They can refer you to a doctor and a therapist who will treat you on a sliding scale based on how much you can pay, if anything.  Doing this is one way you can love yourself! 

To also help youself start feeling better you need to find a way to help someone else.  There are all kinds of ways to do this, either on your own or thru a group as a volunteer.  For instance, you could call your closest elementary school and volunteer to be a lunch buddy once a week for a kid who needs some extra attention.  You could grocery shop for an elderly neighbor. You can call your nearest hospital and ask what their volunteer needs are.  The list goes on and on.   

The point is, when you give of yourself to other people THAT helps fill you up.  It is important to be able to realize that there will always be someone worse off than you are to help you be grateful for your own life.  And when you are busy helping someone else, you have less time to dwell on your own unhappiness. 

Will you write back and tell me you will get some help? 

Well, Beth, the first thing you need to do is to find out why you are angry.  Someone once said (it was probably Dr. Phil himself) that behind anger, there's always something else: sadness, frustration, fear, ...something.   

If you really don't know, then try talking to a counselor.  Break out the phone book and start calling around.  I'm not a therapist, but from what it sounds like, you may have some form of depression.  That's a neurological problem that definitely needs treatment before you hurt yourself even more.  It's not your fault: some people are born that way.  My family, for example, has a history of mental disorders: mother-depression; sister-bipolar disorder; grandmother-bipolar disorder; cousin-social phobia, ASPD, generalized anxiety disorder; myself-ADD (but my counselor is also looking into possibilities of autism/asperger's syndrome and depression, considering my past). 

If you can get to that step of counseling, then you have a very good reason to be proud of yourself: you took the initiative to make your life better and to do something to help make whatever pain you're feeling go away. 

Brandon