Replies to 'Troubled Teens'

I am not sure if what I say can help or not, yet maybe it can give you some insight.   

I am 35 now, but when I was your son's age, I was doing some very similar things.  Now, there are gender differences, as I am female, yet the concept is the same I believe.   

In general, boys act out with anger and things that tend to dismiss those that love them.  I did the same sort of thing yet I did it with a vengeance.  I was involved in drugs and alcohol, I found that the people I hung around seemed to identify with me and they listened.  I had a brother who was the "favored" one, he was never in trouble, so he would get the praise and I would get the snub, so to speak.   

It sounds as if you are not afraid to tell your son you love him. It is hard to face this sort of situation without co-parent support.  If you do not have that, look to places such as this, as people here really listen and care.  I don't usually post on this board, yet something told me to come here today. 

When I was 15/16, someone sitting down and being real with me would have reached me.  I wanted someone to see that what I felt, what I dreamed about, and my goals were important.  I also wanted the drugs and alcohol.  I too was diagnosed with depression and medication was prescribed.  Funny thing is I tried to use that medication to kill myself.  I took a handful of Elavil and slept solid for 3 days.  Nobody knew what I had done.  I think the irony there is my real problem was the drugs and alcohol.  Nobody wanted to address this, or admit this could be a problem for me.   

You have a choice.  Try meeting your son on his level.  Invite him over for dinner with no consequences, no lectures.  Commit yourself to listening.  He may be willing to tell you what will reach him, if you really listen.  If this does not work, then maybe you need to involve yourself with one of the teen programs where they have lock-down treatment.  It sounds very likely if he is breaking into homes, then he is involved with drugs.  If this is the case, you owe it to him as his parent to get him into treatment.  You always have the option of having him arrested and tested.  Often times prosecuting attorneys will work with the parent in a juvenile case.  He is on the edge of manhood, yet still has the child within him, and as long as he is doing things that arrest his maturity, he will remain thus.   

I will pray for you.  Your daughter needs your love and attention, and you owe it to her to not drink, but to be involved.  I know it can be draining, I really do know and identify with this, yet, you have two children who need you.  One is trying hard to get your attention with positive behavior and one is desperately trying to get your attention with negative behavior.  Be loving, give attention even when you are tired.  Quite often it is the child that exhibits negative behavior that gets all of the attention, and this is not a good deal.  It creates resentments.  Are your children close to each other at all? 

Get some phone numbers, look for support groups in your area, and visit the message boards often.  You are not failing, yet there is a reason your son has gotten where he is.  It is your job as his parent to try to reach him.  You are right, it is crazy to write him off, and you need to trust your heart with this.  You have the right idea, now you just need the support to take the right actions.   

Good luck... 

Teri