Replies to 'Troubled Teens'
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August 23, 2005, 7:02 am PDT
 Quote From: stormysmom My daughter turned 17 in June and a month before my husband and I found out she had been cutting herself. I knew there was something troubling her and I kept looking for signs for others things but never did I think this was the problem. We had a series of events that rattled things. My mom passed away and she was very close with my daughter and then about a year later we moved from a larger city to a small town in another state.( this was prior to finding out about the cutting) She had a difficult time fitting in. She's not very outgoing. We took her to a therapist and she was given antidepression meds. She fights about taking them. She has had a lot of problems with PMS and this makes the situation worse. She seems to fly off the handle at the least little thing. She then broke up with her boyfriend of a few months and now is dreading school since she believes all the kids will shun her again. She did work at a good job in the summer and made new friends who live in the area. I've taken her to school and worked out a schedule so she can graduate in January. (She is a straight A student). I'm at my wits end since I feel she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. I've always encouraged her to do her best and to follow her dreams but I seem to have done something wrong. I have a 12 year old son and worry about him being exposed to all this anger and hositility. It's like walking on eggshells when she's home and always worrying about not upsetting her. My husband is very supportive but isn't sure what he should do to help. Does anyone have any idea what my next step should be. I want to help her but she doesn't seem to want to help herself get better. Does that make sense to anyone? Thanks for listening. When I was a teen and a young adult I would cut. Cutting is a sign of much more serious problems, yet often it has nothing to do with a desire to commit suicide.
There are many resources out there that can educate you on why your daughter cuts. I found an article in Ann Landers when I was 20 years old and it had a number in it. 1-800 DON'T CUT. I called it and got information about why I was doing what I was doing. This empowered me to stop it.
I learned that previous sexual abuse in my life was a big fuel for my self injury. (self injury is a good buzzword for searches, by the way. ) I also learned there was a cycle of hurting myself on the outside so the pain on the inside made sense. As I would watch my body heal I found I would feel better on the inside for a short time. This was a cycle I followed for years, until I realized I needed to heal on the inside first, then the cutting would no longer be needed.
The hardest part of this is I found that my daughter was cutting at the age of 12. Her dad and I are divorced and she lives with him 160 miles away. Without getting into a long story, she admitted to me that she does. I told her about my experience. I asked if there had been any sexual abuse or any sexual contact and she assured me there was not. We talked about it a great deal and even though her fuel is different, the end goal is the same...healing. So, we created our own "therapy", as I cannot afford a psychiatrist. I have used a lot of links on this website and many others to learn how to give my daughter the tools needed to cope and handle life on life's terms. The first thing I had to do was become an active member on HER team, HER side, not the parental side. I had to create a camaraderie that encouraged her to listen to me as a peer, that way she did not shut me out. I have been able to maintain the status as parent in her eyes, yet she now knows I will not judge her. I will listen, explore, and try on ideas with her and we can discover together what is OK and what is not.
There is hope for you and your daughter. Maybe let her know there are others out there who cut and it doesn't make them bad. It is a coping mechanism. Love her, and as far as her mental health status, if you help her deal with the issues, I am willing to bet the other things will mellow out. They did for me. Teri |
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December 21, 2005, 5:20 pm PST
Quote From: stormysmom My daughter turned 17 in June and a month before my husband and I found out she had been cutting herself. I knew there was something troubling her and I kept looking for signs for others things but never did I think this was the problem. We had a series of events that rattled things. My mom passed away and she was very close with my daughter and then about a year later we moved from a larger city to a small town in another state.( this was prior to finding out about the cutting) She had a difficult time fitting in. She's not very outgoing. We took her to a therapist and she was given antidepression meds. She fights about taking them. She has had a lot of problems with PMS and this makes the situation worse. She seems to fly off the handle at the least little thing. She then broke up with her boyfriend of a few months and now is dreading school since she believes all the kids will shun her again. She did work at a good job in the summer and made new friends who live in the area. I've taken her to school and worked out a schedule so she can graduate in January. (She is a straight A student). I'm at my wits end since I feel she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. I've always encouraged her to do her best and to follow her dreams but I seem to have done something wrong. I have a 12 year old son and worry about him being exposed to all this anger and hositility. It's like walking on eggshells when she's home and always worrying about not upsetting her. My husband is very supportive but isn't sure what he should do to help. Does anyone have any idea what my next step should be. I want to help her but she doesn't seem to want to help herself get better. Does that make sense to anyone? Thanks for listening. Hello, i understand completly, not in your view but through your daughters view. I started cutting in grade 9 because of being depressed over boys and things. It just felt so good to cut. All of my pain was just gone . But then the next day it would all be back so id have to cut again. My parents eventually found out and i never got any help. It began to get worse. They thought i could jsut stop. You cant. If you cut u cant just stop u have to want to stop for yourself not fpr anyone else even if u love the person who wants u to stop. I then started doing drugs.. and beggining to cut every single day. And it then got wors like trying to commite suiside taking pills being the hospital twice, with needles in my arms and tests, and i didnt care i just kept doing it. I then finally asked for help. And i never got any..i got counceling but i bleieve there should be more help for self injurers it is an addiction and u dont really know what it is untill u actually go through it. Nobody can stop themselves. U need to get help. I tried but noone would ge tm e help. I still cut todauy and cant stop. I dont even know what to do myself. But i know what ur daughters going through. Dont let it get worse. She will regret it like i do. all the scars and memories jsut make me wanna do it more. |
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January 17, 2006, 12:44 pm PST
Quote From: stormysmom My daughter turned 17 in June and a month before my husband and I found out she had been cutting herself. I knew there was something troubling her and I kept looking for signs for others things but never did I think this was the problem. We had a series of events that rattled things. My mom passed away and she was very close with my daughter and then about a year later we moved from a larger city to a small town in another state.( this was prior to finding out about the cutting) She had a difficult time fitting in. She's not very outgoing. We took her to a therapist and she was given antidepression meds. She fights about taking them. She has had a lot of problems with PMS and this makes the situation worse. She seems to fly off the handle at the least little thing. She then broke up with her boyfriend of a few months and now is dreading school since she believes all the kids will shun her again. She did work at a good job in the summer and made new friends who live in the area. I've taken her to school and worked out a schedule so she can graduate in January. (She is a straight A student). I'm at my wits end since I feel she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. I've always encouraged her to do her best and to follow her dreams but I seem to have done something wrong. I have a 12 year old son and worry about him being exposed to all this anger and hositility. It's like walking on eggshells when she's home and always worrying about not upsetting her. My husband is very supportive but isn't sure what he should do to help. Does anyone have any idea what my next step should be. I want to help her but she doesn't seem to want to help herself get better. Does that make sense to anyone? Thanks for listening. ive been thru everything your daughter wnet thru. trust me, it's painful for her. but shell get thru it i did. i still have scars. talk to her. cry with her |
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