Replies to 'Ending Toxic Friendships'

Thank you to all who answered my question about the Definition of Toxic. I am still sort of unclear as to the blanket definition. It is a such a popular term but the definition seems to be up to the individual labeling the offensive person (i.e. The Toxic Person) which I don't believe to be a fair thing. I could label someone Toxic because I don't like the fact that they don't like pink the same way I do-- I mean, it is a fad description run amok.   

I think that putting the reasons in a letter for a friend with whom you choose to sever contact is an excellent idea. However, please make sure that this letter actually explains the reasons and doesn't just resort to name calling and being hateful. Hurtful, accusatory letters don't make the person you are addressing feel any better.  

I don't know. I suppose the reason I am so intrigued by this question is that I don't think I will ever have the opportunity to sit and discuss this issue with the person in question because they are unwilling to even entertain the idea of a simple discussion to try and work out the issues. It is very hard for me to get past the idea that someone out there in the world wants nothing to do with me and has nothing but hateful things to say to anyone they can about me.   

They (this mother and daughter who have hurt me so) that I am toxic, and evil and that I need help. Well maybe I do need some help, but I have never thought of myself as being evil. This whole situation (see my blog http://diaryofabully.blogspot.com/ for the whole story) has caused me so much pain, but I can also say that it has caused me to examine myself very closely.  

I have gone through and dissected the friendship that I supposedly spent the better part of (as they accuse me) bullying my friend and "underminding her". I can't understand their accusations because realistically I didn't spend enough time with "Danielle" to have time to bully her. We weren't that close, but that makes the situation even more hurtful.   

I just need help in dealing with this accusation that she (and her mother) find me to be "an indecent person" for no apparent reason. At least they refuse to give me a reason. Instead they want to talk to all my friends and try to convince them that I am no good, and that I am dangerous.   

Luckily, all my friends think that she is crazy. I honestly can't see how I have ever offended her in the ways that she claims.  I am honestly trying to figure this out. I know that I am not perfect but I have been able to maintain healthy relationships, and this is the only one that has turned out to be this way.   

I can't completely understand why it hurts me so, but it does-- and I am still in the process of trying to figure it all out. I am still researching some clinical definitions of toxic friend, but it appears to me that it is a personal definition.   

If it is, indeed, a personal definition then it stands to reason that a person could make up reasons to get rid of someone else? Most of my good friends, and family have postulated that perhaps Danielle and her mother wanted an excuse to get rid of me as a friend?  

I have also heard that there are those people who routinely "clean out" their friends list. I have always thought this to be a rather cold and unfeeling thing to do. What ever happened to loyalty? Working out problems instead of dropping a friend faster than a bad habit?   

I have never been through this before and it is my first experience dealing with all out rejection like this. I am sorry if I seem obsessive or something, but I am trying to work it out and I feel like if I figure it out then I can get on with my life.   

Thank you to all who answered my question about the Definition of Toxic. I am still sort of unclear as to the blanket definition. It is a such a popular term but the definition seems to be up to the individual labeling the offensive person (i.e. The Toxic Person) which I don't believe to be a fair thing. I could label someone Toxic because I don't like the fact that they don't like pink the same way I do-- I mean, it is a fad description run amok.   

I think that putting the reasons in a letter for a friend with whom you choose to sever contact is an excellent idea. However, please make sure that this letter actually explains the reasons and doesn't just resort to name calling and being hateful. Hurtful, accusatory letters don't make the person you are addressing feel any better.  

I don't know. I suppose the reason I am so intrigued by this question is that I don't think I will ever have the opportunity to sit and discuss this issue with the person in question because they are unwilling to even entertain the idea of a simple discussion to try and work out the issues. It is very hard for me to get past the idea that someone out there in the world wants nothing to do with me and has nothing but hateful things to say to anyone they can about me.   

They (this mother and daughter who have hurt me so) that I am toxic, and evil and that I need help. Well maybe I do need some help, but I have never thought of myself as being evil. This whole situation (see my blog http://diaryofabully.blogspot.com/ for the whole story) has caused me so much pain, but I can also say that it has caused me to examine myself very closely.  

I have gone through and dissected the friendship that I supposedly spent the better part of (as they accuse me) bullying my friend and "underminding her". I can't understand their accusations because realistically I didn't spend enough time with "Danielle" to have time to bully her. We weren't that close, but that makes the situation even more hurtful.   

I just need help in dealing with this accusation that she (and her mother) find me to be "an indecent person" for no apparent reason. At least they refuse to give me a reason. Instead they want to talk to all my friends and try to convince them that I am no good, and that I am dangerous.   

Luckily, all my friends think that she is crazy. I honestly can't see how I have ever offended her in the ways that she claims.  I am honestly trying to figure this out. I know that I am not perfect but I have been able to maintain healthy relationships, and this is the only one that has turned out to be this way.   

I can't completely understand why it hurts me so, but it does-- and I am still in the process of trying to figure it all out. I am still researching some clinical definitions of toxic friend, but it appears to me that it is a personal definition.   

If it is, indeed, a personal definition then it stands to reason that a person could make up reasons to get rid of someone else? Most of my good friends, and family have postulated that perhaps Danielle and her mother wanted an excuse to get rid of me as a friend?  

I have also heard that there are those people who routinely "clean out" their friends list. I have always thought this to be a rather cold and unfeeling thing to do. What ever happened to loyalty? Working out problems instead of dropping a friend faster than a bad habit?   

I have never been through this before and it is my first experience dealing with all out rejection like this. I am sorry if I seem obsessive or something, but I am trying to work it out and I feel like if I figure it out then I can get on with my life.