Replies to 'Cheated On'
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July 24, 2005, 10:39 pm PDT
 Right, where to start. I have been married to my husband for 28yrs, we have 3 grown up children and are now living on our own. My husband works a job where he is away for a month and home for a month. He was working in Asia for a number of years and while there he started having affairs, one night stands or whatever. This started in the year 2000. i knew something was up and would ask him but of course he denied. Anyway, 18months ago he finally came home and told the truth or part of. He said he had taken a lot of women back to his hotel room, then he changed it to about 5 women, so believe what you want cause I do. He is a constant liar, white lies,black liesand every colour in between. We have not had any sexual contact since 2000, the year he started inAsia. He is on medication for Diabettes and he said it was affecting his libido and he could not get aroused. I had asked him to go see the Dr and we could go together to see about the problem but he always told me he would go when he was ready and that he wasn't really interested anyway. Obviously a lie cause he was interested enough in Asia. To this day he hasn't gotten any help. He knows how I feel, I want the closeness, the intimacy. Anyway, we really have tried to get over the cheating side of things, we had councelling but it still hurts. I find it hard to get over because he was having sex with other women and not me and he is still telling me he is not interested in sex and asks why I can't just accept it. He is still lying to me. Last month he had to go back to Singapore for a few days for work and while he was there he went back to his old self.I got a call at 2am, he was drunk and he wanted me to cancel his credit cards, he lost his wallet. He said he just went out to the 7/11 and must have dropped it on the street. He shouldn't have been out at that time in the morning, he shouldn't have been drinking so much that he would get himself into that state. I know hewas lying about where he went, he knows I don't like him drinking a lot. He can't just go out for a beer or two, he keeps drinking till he gets himself into trouble. I am sick of the same old stuff. How can he expect me to start having trust in him when he doesn't let the problems stop, it is one thing after another. Why would he keep lying and acting this way? Yes, I know it's because I allow it, I let him treat me this way. That's what Dr Phil would say but I just had to get this off my chest. I also wanted to say or ask, how can he expect me to live the rest of our lives without any intimacy? Is it fair? i honestly don't know if I could live for another 30 or 40yrs like I am. By the way I am 46yrs old/young. It might sound stupid but I feel I need affection, I would like to have sex with my husband, I would like him to want me. It hurts so much when I think that he doesn't want me but he wanted the other women. My mind is turning somersaults trying to decide what to do. I have always loved him but I am at the stage now that I don't like him very much. It would be really hard for me starting over again. I don't work and I don't know what to do. |
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July 28, 2005, 12:52 am PDT
Quote From: hurtbad Right, where to start. I have been married to my husband for 28yrs, we have 3 grown up children and are now living on our own. My husband works a job where he is away for a month and home for a month. He was working in Asia for a number of years and while there he started having affairs, one night stands or whatever. This started in the year 2000. i knew something was up and would ask him but of course he denied. Anyway, 18months ago he finally came home and told the truth or part of. He said he had taken a lot of women back to his hotel room, then he changed it to about 5 women, so believe what you want cause I do. He is a constant liar, white lies, black lies and every colour in between. We have not had any sexual contact since 2000, the year he started in Asia. He is on medication for Diabettes and he said it was affecting his libido and he could not get aroused. I had asked him to go see the Dr and we could go together to see about the problem but he always told me he would go when he was ready and that he wasn't really interested anyway. Obviously a lie cause he was interested enough in Asia. To this day he hasn't gotten any help. He knows how I feel, I want the closeness, the intimacy. Anyway, we really have tried to get over the cheating side of things, we had councelling but it still hurts. I find it hard to get over because he was having sex with other women and not me and he is still telling me he is not interested in sex and asks why I can't just accept it. He is still lying to me. Last month he had to go back to Singapore for a few days for work and while he was there he went back to his old self. I got a call at 2am, he was drunk and he wanted me to cancel his credit cards, he lost his wallet. He said he just went out to the 7/11 and must have dropped it on the street. He shouldn't have been out at that time in the morning, he shouldn't have been drinking so much that he would get himself into that state. I know he was lying about where he went, he knows I don't like him drinking a lot. He can't just go out for a beer or two, he keeps drinking till he gets himself into trouble. I am sick of the same old stuff. How can he expect me to start having trust in him when he doesn't let the problems stop, it is one thing after another. Why would he keep lying and acting this way? Yes, I know it's because I allow it, I let him treat me this way. That's what Dr Phil would say but I just had to get this off my chest. All cheaters are liars first. And liars are the first people off my island.
If hubby has such arousal problems why the need to trot all these whores through his hotel room? They ain't there for chat, honey. But they will roll him if they or their pimp get a chance. Maybe even beat the shit out of him. Hope you DID get all those credit cards cancelled. 7/11 indeed!
Hubby thinks you have hung around this long and will stay no matter what, or that you have no other options. I sure hope he is wrong.
I will tell you what else is affecting his diabetes-alcohol. He is an alcoholic.
Hubby is only telling you a half-truth about his sexual difficulties. He is "not really interested" in sex with you. Everyone else in the world-ok, just not you. I wouldn't sleep with him on a bet, even if he was willing.
You need to make a believer out of him. I would get a consult with a real shark of a divorce lawyer. You have more clout than you think.
There is no way you will ever heal while he is still cheating. Just not logical. And he WILL continue to do this as long as you let him. The last five years have been a waste. Do not add to them. You DO deserve to be loved and respected, but as things stand now hubby is not the guy to do it.
Last words of advice. If things move to divorce tell the adult kids the truth. If you don't hubby will turn them against you.
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April 14, 2008, 10:12 am PDT
Quote From: hurtbad Right, where to start. I have been married to my husband for 28yrs, we have 3 grown up children and are now living on our own. My husband works a job where he is away for a month and home for a month. He was working in Asia for a number of years and while there he started having affairs, one night stands or whatever. This started in the year 2000. i knew something was up and would ask him but of course he denied. Anyway, 18months ago he finally came home and told the truth or part of. He said he had taken a lot of women back to his hotel room, then he changed it to about 5 women, so believe what you want cause I do. He is a constant liar, white lies,black liesand every colour in between. We have not had any sexual contact since 2000, the year he started inAsia. He is on medication for Diabettes and he said it was affecting his libido and he could not get aroused. I had asked him to go see the Dr and we could go together to see about the problem but he always told me he would go when he was ready and that he wasn't really interested anyway. Obviously a lie cause he was interested enough in Asia. To this day he hasn't gotten any help. He knows how I feel, I want the closeness, the intimacy. Anyway, we really have tried to get over the cheating side of things, we had councelling but it still hurts. I find it hard to get over because he was having sex with other women and not me and he is still telling me he is not interested in sex and asks why I can't just accept it. He is still lying to me. Last month he had to go back to Singapore for a few days for work and while he was there he went back to his old self.I got a call at 2am, he was drunk and he wanted me to cancel his credit cards, he lost his wallet. He said he just went out to the 7/11 and must have dropped it on the street. He shouldn't have been out at that time in the morning, he shouldn't have been drinking so much that he would get himself into that state. I know hewas lying about where he went, he knows I don't like him drinking a lot. He can't just go out for a beer or two, he keeps drinking till he gets himself into trouble. I am sick of the same old stuff. How can he expect me to start having trust in him when he doesn't let the problems stop, it is one thing after another. Why would he keep lying and acting this way? Yes, I know it's because I allow it, I let him treat me this way. That's what Dr Phil would say but I just had to get this off my chest. COME ON WOMAN!!!! ARE WOMEN THAT BLIND!!! You might as well let him beat you verbally and physically, I have read through a couple of these Cheater Stories and let me tell you I have had enough!!! What makes you think that you can't do it alone? I might be able to see the 28 years hard to let go, your just used to him, but enough is enough don't you think, stop degrading yourself, if your daughter was being treated like that how would you feel? especially if you caught him!! Have you forgotten your vows? His Vows? I have never seen you before But let me tell you something...
You are a beautiful woman that doesn't need a man to tell her or to make her feel like a beautiful free woman, there is so much out there in this world that you need to see and be apart of!!! Life is tough but just take a deep deep breath and embrace it!! don't be scared of it, women who get cheated on and forgive their cheating husbands do not get any where in life only head aches and heart aches.
You said your children are out of the house even better, Go shopping, get your hair done your toes done Show your beautiful body off because obviously husband is too busy to even look at you, so don't do it for him but yourself and i promise you someone will give you that... ' WOW' look, and hey then it might just be your turn to do on to others as they do you....
I don't want to say your giving us woman a bad name but don't be weak, Men are no better than woman, on the contrary Woman can have babies and go through more pain than man so we are stronger, take that strength and make it into something, be happy for your life because its the only life you have...
Jessica El Paso,TX |
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