Replies to 'Being a Good Friend'

Quote From: val_entine

Like all long stories (that you "try" to keep short), you never know exactly where to start. I have this friend, or so -called former friend (Don't know exactly what we are anymore because we have not spoken to eachother in about a month). Anyways we have been friends for the last 10 years, and of course we have had our ups and downs, which is to be expected, but we remained friends through it all. Mostly I believe it's because after we would have a fight, we handled it by pretending nothing ever happened. Recently however I could not hold in my feelings anymore, and told her how I feel. I realized that no longer did I want to be reserved like I have always been before. Of course now I am feeling guilty about expressing my feelings, but still undoubtedly unhappy about the way I feel I have been treated by her. She has always had a rough life, and never really had anybody there for her. She has been abused, sexually and mentally, as a child, and her so-called family are only there for her when it's convenient for them. Though thats only the short end of it, I still believed that she is trying to make a good life for herself, even though something is constantly knocking her back down, by either something she envokes or just bad luck.  She has two kids,  the youngest one being with her husband that she is recently getting a divorce from. She is pregnant again (I believer about 4 months along now), but it is a very high-risk pregnancy, because she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, but went ahead and had surgery and had them frozen off while she was pregnant. Now she has a tear in her cervix, which the doctor says if she's not careful, could cause her uteris to fall out, and she could bleed to death. She will have to have surgery on it, to tighten it up. Anyways, I guess to get to my point,  is that I recently got married, and am about 8 months pregnant now. She texted me on her phone on a Tuesday afternoon, and asked if I could watch her kids, age 3 and 6, because she didn't have anyone else that was responsible enough to watch them  for that Wednesday morning through Friday because she had to go see a specialist out of state. Since I had been recently married and pregnant, I knew that it was just going to cause stress between my husband and me, if I told her I would. So I declined and said that I was sorry. I didn't hear from her in a couple days, and texted her to ask her is something was wrong. Then finally she tells me that she was upset with me, because I was not there for her, when she probably needed me the most, and said now that she is trying to find the meaning in our friendship. That really hurt, because I have never asked anything out of her, and have loaned her a little over $2,000 dollars to try to help her out, as far as getting into an apartment, and paying her overdue bills. It feels like all through this friendship, that I have been the one that always had to be there for her, because her life is constantly in some kind of turmoil. So therefore I always felt more obligated to do things for her and never asked for much in return.  I have watched her kids on several occasions and even picked them up at the babysitters and her oldest at the bus stop from school. I was upset about her being upset at ,e because of not watching her kids because my husband would of said no to it, when there was a time that I asked her to watch my 2 yr old son for me for four hours, and even offered to pay her, and her financee told her that she couldn't do it. She said she was sorry and that she really wanted to because "she needed the money". She was also upset with me because I would not hang out with her if she was going to be with her fiancee. He as well mentally abuses her, and makes her feel like she is nothing. He tells her to her face that she is fat and ugly, but thats the only kind of women he can attract anyways. He puts on an act when he is around people, and has even flirted with me right in front of her by getting close to my face and telling me how beautiful my eyes were.She never wanted to go out with him in the first place, but then decided to because she felt a connection because he had a bad childhood as well, and she feels he is the only one that wants her thats not married, though it didn't matter, that I reminded her she was still married as well. Even though he knows that she is in a high risk pregnancy, he has her do things that cause even more risk. They were moving into a new place, and he wanted her to help paint, and move stuff over there. I don't care to be around him, and am very uneasy when I am and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyways after I texted her back breifly about how I feel, I have not heard from her, and I don't feel like it's my place to be the one that contacts her first. Though of course, I can't let it go, because I still do care about her, and wonder how things are going. I have no idea to whether she is still pregnant or had a miscarriage. I want to talk to her, but my hormones have been going crazy with my pregnancy, that I feel if I did talk to her, all I would do is cry.  Well that's pretty much the short version of it all, though I could go on and on and on, like the energizer bunny. But I am just tyring to find some closure, and I am not having any luck looking for it myself of course. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.