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April 19, 2006, 8:37 am PDT
My daughter Kathy
Quote From: jackinscOur daughter is now 20 and we are still trying to figure out where we went wrong.
From the time she turned 17 is when the problems started. We have tried everything and I mean everything tough love, restriction, rewards, trying to get her involved in different hobbies, counseling, doing things as a family and church. I truly believe most of the problem was peer pressure and wanting to be part of a group. So and so does it, so why can't I? Sound familiar?
As a parent we have always been up front with Katie, telling her she can come to us about anything and if we cannot answer her question then we would find someone that could. It didn't matter if it was drugs, sex anything. Of course it is hard for young people to come to their parents with these questions so they turn to their peers. You have to become their friend as well as their parent. One thing these young people do not want to hear is "when I was your age" and I am sure we can all relate to that.
We have never given up even with the latest issue of the abuse. Now that she has been away from this guy form some time she is seeing more and more of his bad side. Counseling is starting to make her see things in a different light but it is still early days. Katie is now working towards getting her High School diploma, a job and make a better life for herself and her son. She like so many other young people has so much to be thankful for.
Although it has been a long hard road, there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you Dr. Phil and staff,
Jack
Dr. Phil and staff,
I saw your show today and as I watched Brian I saw my daughter's boyfriend Gary. He is a young boy who has no sense of accountability, responsibility, or boundaries.
Let me start with my daughter Kathy, she is a heavy set child who has a history of cutting. My husband and I worked hard to get her the help she needed. After a year of counseling and medication for depression she was doing very well. She said she was ready to stop the meds and counseling. We agreed. Although she still would request every once in a while to talk to the Pastor's wife. I took her when she said that. I just wanted her to have a long and happy life. A few months later she met Gary and things started going down hill from there. Kathy stopped talking, started attacking anyone who came against Gary. He didn't respect our wishes came over when he wasn't supposed to, drove Kathy in the car as we don't let our kids ride with other teens until they graduate, he verbally abused her, went out on her with other girls, did drugs often, he has left bruises on her and said it was just playing. they broke up often fought often because neither one of them know how to talk to each other and not at each other.
Kathy is now 18. She turned 18 in November of 2005. My dad told me he was diagnosed with cancer and I went to be with him through the chemo. So I was traveling 3 hours back and forth for the past 5 months. In February of this year I thought it would be a good idea for the kids to come see my dad. So we planned to go the weekend of the superbowl. Gary went off cussing and carrying on to Kathy for hours. Then that afternoon Gary and his mother (whom he hides behind her skirt) came over and took Kathy because Gary had told her she was in fear for her life at home.
His mother thinks Gary can do no wrong and everything he says is right same with his dad. Now Gary's parents condone fornication in their home by letting them sleep in the same room. Kathy has asked 2 times to come home but didn't because Gary has told he if she comes home it is over with them. Everytime Kathy breaks up with gary his mom lectured Kathy then she stays with him.
I know she is very unhappy there and there is physical and emotional abuse in this relationship. But I can't comprehend why she stays there in that situation. The things I heard of Brian reminded me of Gary. He lives by his emotions however he feels at that moment is how he reacts and acts.
Concerned mother
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