Quote From: dxromeroI was 13 when I met a "bad boy". He was 17. Growing up, my mother never talked to me about anything important. My father was an alcoholic and didn't talk much. I learned from my peers,movies,and teen magazines which I later found out was not the real world.
I fell in "love" with this guy and he had been around so he new about sex. I started drinking alcohol with him and it wasn't long before we had sex. Then I belonged to him. He made me stop seeing my friends, skipping school, and pretty much told me how to act. If we came across a guy he knew, I was not allowed to look at him or talk to him. If it was a couple I could talk to the girl. I did everything he wanted me to do because I thought that was how to prove your love.
He told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. If I got pregnant, maybe my parents would let me marry him and we would live happily ever after. At 14 I did get pregnant and my parents signed for us to get married. That very night, he told me I had to stay home or go to my parents house to visit them but I was not allowed to go anywhere else unless he was with me.
Life was hell after that. I was always nervous, weighed only 95 lbs, didn't know anything about raising a child. My son spent most of the first 4 years with his grandparents. Thats only a drop in the bucket. I stayed with this man for 22 years. I learned how to please him to keep peace in the family. I had another son at 19.
When I got into my 30's, I started to figure it all out. I have never been myself. I didn't know who "myself" even was. He was controlling,angry, I was his possesion. I finally got the courage to leave him.
Now at age 55, I am dealing with alcoholism and anxiety disorders and depression. that I have always had from my childhood. I am currently on antabuse, prozac,xanax,go to AA and read a lot of self help books. Thanks,Dr. Phil for "Self Matters". It has changed my life.
It's been a long road for me but Iam getting better. If only the young people would listen and take our advice.
Please talk to your children about these things when they are younger. Don't wait till they are teenagers. They will not listen to you at that age.
Your letter should be required reading for all young people, particularly girls, in health education classes. The abuse that you suffered at the hands of this man will, as you so clearly spell out, affect you for the rest of your life.
I would invite you to check out the 'Abuse' message board listed under 'Marriage' on the Dr. Phil web site. I believe you could contribute immeasurably to women who are in an abusive relationship and are trying to either understand or break free.
Thank you for your post.
