Quote From: brandynncI'm 21 years old and I have been in 3, what I call, serious relationships-all of which have had some kind of abuse in them. The first guy I dated pushed me down stairs, slapped me, threw beer bottles at me, used every kind of emotional/verbal abuse/black mail possible and so much more. The next guy never hit me, but in this one the emotional/verbal abuse/black mail was enough to do more than physical abuse. The guy I'm with now has hit me, pushed me, lied to me, broke up with me for his ex girlfriend more than once, had his family lie to me, calls me names all the time, gets mad at me when were by ourselves-but is charming as can be when others are around. There are times when I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I spend all my time with him and make all my decisions based on him and what he wants to do. I know in my heart things shouldn't be like this, but this is where the classic line comes into place-I love him. All I want is to be happy and I think now I am at the point where me being with guys like this is part of a "normal" life. The show doesn't come on in my area until this afternoon, but I can already see I'm going to be able to relate to it perfectly. PLEASE guide me in the right direction and give me advice that will help me make the right choice.
I had a close friend who was in an abusive relationship. The guy she was involved with was charming, but he was also controlling and violent. He had her convinced that no one else would want her but him. Being the only friend that he could not chase away, I can not count the times she called for and received my help only to go back to him when he said he was sorry. But no matter how many times she called, I was there. I begged and pleaded with her to leave him to no avail. Well, a couple of years ago, he loved her to death. Being with an abuser is NOT normal. Love is an emotion that makes you feel good. It should never be associated with pain or abuse. Any man who does not treat you as the queen that you are does not love himself, so there is no way that he could love you. He just wants someone to control. What you are feeling for him is not necessarily love. You may think it is love because your self esteem is so low and he seems like the only one in your corner. Whether you think you love him or not, anyone who in your words “has hit me, pushed me, lied to me, broke up with me for his ex girlfriend more than once, had his family lie to me, calls me names all the time, gets mad at me when were by ourselves-but is charming as can be when others are around” is not someone you need to be with. He has no respect for you and without some serious help, he never will. RUN as fast as you can away from him before you end up in a hospital or dead. You don’t mention your family but I hope that you can count on them for support or have some other support system. If nothing else, please, please, please get out of this relationship until you both get some help. I know that it will be hard, but you can not begin to heal or be happy until you do. My friend did not heed my advice, but I hope that you will.
