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Replies to '08/03 Teen Wake-Up Calls'
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April 24, 2006, 1:20 pm PDT
 Quote From: breez36 I am a parent of now 17 years girl, I was around all the time and I knew where she was at all time, everything that went on with her, I was married for the second time and her father did not have any thing to do with her,but my husband now give her anything she wanted and was very good to her,then one day out of the blues Nicole turn on the wrong foot, she starting to drink,smoke sleeping around, not going to school and that hurt me so much,I tried to talk to her but no way she did not want to listen.I try to get Nicole to go to the doctors.Still nothing, then one day we got into it and then before I knew what was happen we was fighting ,and anything came apart.Now she doen't live with me and I pray every night that she will turn her live around,I love her very much,she is a very smart (a) and pretty girl, but her ways will kill you. So please do not aways blame the parent.Until this day I believe it is because Nicole wanted a real father,but Chris did try and he loves her very much and also wishes things would be differ for all of us,so where do you go from here?
Your daughter did not just out of the blue start doing these things, she may have become more bold about it but if you look back objectively, you will see times when she was doing things that were setting the stage for her current behaviour.
You say that she wanted a real father and you know what, she has every right to feel that way. It makes me nuts when parents think that a step-parent, no matter how out of the way they went for the child should be appreciated in the same way. Did you and her ever work together to help her understand her feelings about her real father, did you help her grieve the dad he never was? probably not. You need to look at her needs from the point of view of a child, not yourself. Go back to when her dad left her and emotionally, that is where her life stopped. physically she has grown up but emotionally she is still hoping against all hopes that her daddy will come back and scoop her up and tell her it was all just a bad dream.
the reason young girls sleep around and drink, & party is because they either want to see how much they can get away with, they want to feel more grown up than they are, or they want to feel important to someone in an adult fashion. They need a healthy male role model that can show them how they should be treated.
If your husband really wants to be that person for her, he needs to sit down with her and start letting her tell him about how hurt she is about her dad and to help her understand that sometimes even though people are still alive, we need to grieve them as if they are gone in order to give ourselves a fighting chance at a happy life. |
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