Quote From: bunch2We have been only married for 1 1/2 years and we only have sex/make love once a month. My husband says there is no time (we have no children). When we do make love it takes about 5 minutes and is horrible, horrible and did I say horrible? I have tried showing, telling, talking, writingto try and help him along with what I desire and still absolutely NO improvements. He also lacks effective communication skills and when I talk to him about our relationship he looks at me like a deer in the headlights! He does not respond, act on or try and change the direction of our relationship. I am at a loss because he is such a kind, gentle and thoughtful soul. He is the type of man that cleans the house, does laundry and pulls my side of the sheets down for me to go to bed! I have talked to him about our relationship for the last 6 months and our last conversation I said I am not going to renew the mortgage (due in September).
Is my Husband a lost cause?
Let's hope he is not a lost cause! Communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, platonic or otherwise. How you have a husband and have not been able to communicate is beyond me, but you do, and that is why you have the problem.
Finding a time to sit down with no distractions, (television, others around, having a deadline of some place to be) and sit face to face and make him talk.
When you talk with him, make sure you ask open ended questions, ones that he can't just give a yes or no answer to, and when he does open up and make even a little progress, praise him in some way, not overly praise, but enough to give him the confidence of feeling like wow that wasn't so bad, I opened up, communicated and not in pain! Make sure your first attempts at getting him to open up and communicate are about non-threatening things. Don't make it about sex, in the beginning. When you do finally get around to the topic of sex, make sure it is in a non-threatening place, such as the bedroom. Discuss it when in a park, or in the car on a drive. Some place he is not in fear of having to go right then and perform. Ensure as well that you don't criticize him for his thoughts or actions while getting him to open up. In time, you will be able to talk about things that are wrong, in your eyes, but if he is not a talker, you don't want to scare him off before he feel comfortable in opening up.
You are going to have to have patience, and in the beginning you are going to only get a little at a time, but in time, the more confident he is with expressing himself, he will open up more, and maybe he will begin to flow like a river.
When you do get around to talking about sex, again ensure it is open ended questions, and try and find out what he likes/turn on's and what he doesn't like/turn off's. It sounds like you are a more open person, so let him express his desires before you scare him with yours.
Again, this is not going to happen over night, and you will need patience. I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex!
