Replies to 'Sex'

Sex is Something That Should Be Shared Between Two People! The thing you need to do, is, at some point in time when sex is not going to be an issue for the moment, talk to your husband about your feelings, and explain to him that sex is something that two should be sharing, both focusing on pleasing the other, not just a release of sexual tension.   

When you talk to him, don't make any of the conversation to appear accusatory, or with blame. Talk to him more like as a matter of fact, and when asking him questions about his ideas of what needs to happen to solve your marital problems, make sure you ask him open ended questions. Questions that he can't answer with just a yes or no.   

Let him know that waking you up at 3 a.m. is not an option, and it is not a loving thing to do. Sex is part of a loving relationship, and if either is not comfortable with what is going on, it is a kind of abuse. Both should be in the mood, and again, it is something that is to be "shared" not given out of a "get it over with" feeling.   

All relationships will have lulls in them, and the excitement can have it's ebbs and flows. Maybe you could talk to him about spicing up the relationship with things such as role playing, where the two of you pretend to be either in situations of some sort of fantasy that either of you happen to have, or be totally different people in some sort of compromising situation that would excite "BOTH" parties.   

Another thing that may help cause excitement to return in the bedroom, would be for the two of you to go out on a date, and after dinner, movie or whatever the two of you did during your dating days, get a room somewhere. Sometimes just being in a different environment can cause the heat to turn up a notch or two.   

The main thing you need to do is communicate your feelings to your husband. Communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, and without it, it will surely die over time. I don't think this is something that can't be brought back to life, as you would not be here posting, if you didn't want some sort of fix. If your husband is being selfish with your relationship, and trust me, men are creators of this behavior, don't allow him to get away with it.  

I can remember answering a post from a woman whose husband would never want sex, unless it was her giving him oral sex. The behavior she needed get her husband to change, was to stop and consider her feelings as well. Men will get lazy if you let us, and the thing with you, just like the woman I mentioned above, you need to make sure you don't allow your husband to get lazy in the bedroom. We are only treated the way we allow others to treat us, and if we allow abuse, it will happen. The thing you need to do, is "BUST" him every time he is only considering his own gratification, and lovingly remind him that your feelings matter as well in this relationship, and things will never work unless he begins considering your feelings as well.  

Turning to alcohol is not going to help your relationship, it will only numb your feelings, and maybe cause a drinking problem to have to deal with as well as a sex problem. I hope this helps. Please keep us informed, as I am sure it will help others as well, and when you try, whatever you try, let us know what worked. Good luck, and great sex