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Replies to 'Toxic Family Relationships'
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August 24, 2005, 12:19 pm PDT
 Quote From: bball4life Im 18 and I live with my mom. My mom is mean and rude about almost everything I do. She has to know everything I do, everywhere I go. If I go to walmart or something, she even has to know what I bought??? This summer, my g/f of 9 months, were going to move out and get a place of our own together. Then when we had everything going good, we were going to get her son back and take him in. At the time, he was staying with her uncle. I was looking forward to moving out and being on my own, and being with her. But then after I went to see her at her uncles while she was seeing her son, she decided she wanted to come back with me. So I was going to wait the weekend and take her back to the women's shelter where she had been staying.(Long Story, she's 18 too) So, I was going to have her just stay here at the house for a couple of days, knowing my mom wouldnt mind. Then all of a sudden, I wasnt even included in the conversation, my mom told her she could stay here. And then some things happened at her uncles house and my mom knew something was going on, and she told me to send my gf into her room, they talked and when she came out she said "Your mom said me and my son could stay here" SO I was like ok, good, great. Then, about a week or 2 down the line, she says, Im going to have to charge her 50 dollars a month to stay here, which isnt bad, but she shouldve told her that in the begining. And when I first started dating this girl, my mom told me i couldnt, and my mom made it obvious that she didnt like her. I had the nerve to bring her to our house once and my mom was courteous to her face, but rude after she left. What I want to know is, is my mom just jealous, that is what the rest of my family thinks. Was she mad that I was happy? Did she just think that im not ready for that kind of relationship? Or was she just scared that my g/f was about to take her place in my life, and im the youngest so, what is it? You might not ever know what the real, true reasons why your mom acts this way, but it does sound like she has some jelousy and possesiveness towards you. What was her childhood like, what was her life like when she was your age? Did she miss out on things, because if so, she could be jelous that now you are living the life of a teen that she didn't get to live. When you buy things and she wants to know about what it is, is it out of concern that you are wasting money? Does she try to guide you towards being frugal or staying on a budget...or is it all just because she is very nosy? It would be good if the reasons why she is concerned about what you buy is because she wants to teach you the value of a dollar....however it sounds more like she has the attitude that, "this is my home and you do what I say, just because!" Its possible that your mom is jelous, but she has allowed your gf to move in, right? Is she nice to her? Is is possible to talk to your mom, like when she is quizzing you about your purchases, say something like, "mom, I know you are concerned about my budget, but why do you need to know everything I buy?" It doesn't have to be a fight, just a conversation so that you can understand her better. You are at the age where you relationship with your mother is going from parent/child to adult/adult now, it can be a rough time when you are figuring out how to assert your adulthood onto your parent. I wish you the best!! |
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September 1, 2005, 4:23 pm PDT
Quote From: bball4life Im 18 and I live with my mom. My mom is mean and rude about almost everything I do. She has to know everything I do, everywhere I go. If I go to walmart or something, she even has to know what I bought??? This summer, my g/f of 9 months, were going to move out and get a place of our own together. Then when we had everything going good, we were going to get her son back and take him in. At the time, he was staying with her uncle. I was looking forward to moving out and being on my own, and being with her. But then after I went to see her at her uncles while she was seeing her son, she decided she wanted to come back with me. So I was going to wait the weekend and take her back to the women's shelter where she had been staying.(Long Story, she's 18 too) So, I was going to have her just stay here at the house for a couple of days, knowing my mom wouldnt mind. Then all of a sudden, I wasnt even included in the conversation, my mom told her she could stay here. And then some things happened at her uncles house and my mom knew something was going on, and she told me to send my gf into her room, they talked and when she came out she said "Your mom said me and my son could stay here" SO I was like ok, good, great. Then, about a week or 2 down the line, she says, Im going to have to charge her 50 dollars a month to stay here, which isnt bad, but she shouldve told her that in the begining. And when I first started dating this girl, my mom told me i couldnt, and my mom made it obvious that she didnt like her. I had the nerve to bring her to our house once and my mom was courteous to her face, but rude after she left. What I want to know is, is my mom just jealous, that is what the rest of my family thinks. Was she mad that I was happy? Did she just think that im not ready for that kind of relationship? Or was she just scared that my g/f was about to take her place in my life, and im the youngest so, what is it?
You mom is really nice to let your girlfriend move in like that. 50 dollars a month is a bargain. You mom would rather have you in her home, than somewhere she does not know where to find you. that tells me she cares a great deal what happens to you, and that your okay. She's even willing to tolerate a girl with a baby in her home to keep YOU safe. In my book it's okay that she loves you, but love can cripple too.
I realize your 18 and think you have the world by the tail-and that you "know it all"- but your mom knows the world has teeth and how sharp they are. If you were my kid-- (and my oldest son is 23.) I'd be marching your butt down to the nearest recruitment center and signing your butt over to Uncle Sam. Your girlfriend with the baby would be back at her uncle's house in a heartbeat, and you may hate me, but you'd be alive to feel it. Get on your knees, and thank God your not my son. Thank your mother for putting up with your self centered, self serving whining. How Dare You.
Proud mom of an EDUCATED-Self Supporting- U.S. Marine. |
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