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Replies to '07/27 Fighting Styles'
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May 1, 2006, 6:48 am PDT
 Quote From: penguins MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE DONE THE SCREAMING THING AT EACH OTHER FOR SO MANY YEARS THAT I FINALLY HAD TO PUT A STOP TO IT!! WE WOULD GET INTO SUCH TERRIBLE NAME CALLING FIGHTS AND OUR DAUGHTER WOULD HEAR IT ALL!! WE GOT INTO AN AWFUL ONE ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND HE TOLD ME "SOMEDAYS I JUST WISH YOU'D COMMIT SUICIDE" AND THE STUPID PART WAS I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID "YOU WANT IT-YOU GOT IT" AND PUT A KNIFE TO MY WRIST AND MY DAUGHTER CAME RUNNING IN AND SAID "NO MOMMY-DON'T DO IT-I LOVE YOU" AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THE LOOK ON HER FACE AND THEN AFTER WE BOTH STARTED CRYING(MY DAUGHTER AND MYSELF) MY HUSBAND HAD THE NERVE TO CALL ME A LOONEY BITCH AND TELL ME LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO OUR DAUGHTER!! I LEFT THE HOUSE FOR AWHILE AND OF COURSE HE TOLD OUR DAUGHTER "I SHOULDN'T OF SAID THAT TO HER" I CAME BACK AND WE HAD CHRISTMAS TOGETHER WITH MY SON ALSO AND I KNOW HE COULD TELL THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM!! I MADE MY HUSBAND MOVE OUT ABOUT A MONTH LATER AND TOLD HIM I JUST CAN'T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS AND I DON'T THINK OUR 11YR OLD SHOULD HAVE TO EITHER!! HE IS STILL NOT HOME AND HE STILL ISN'T THINKING HE HAS ANY PROBLEMS IT'S ALL ME!!! I ADMIT I HAVE MADE BAD MISTAKES IN THE PAST THAT I'M PAYING FOR NOW BUT I JUST CAN'T ASK HIM TO COME BACK UNTILL HE GETS IT TOGETHER AND IT'S NOT LOOKING VERY PROMISING AND IT'S ALREADY BEEN OVER 2 MONTHS!! I JUST CAN'T GET IT THROUGH HIS HEAD WHAT WE'VE ALREADY DONE TO OUR DAUGHTER BUT HE JUST DON'T SEE IT!!! HE ASKED ME IF I STILL LOVE HIM BUT I HONESTLY CAN'T ANSWER HIM ON THAT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN HURT SO BAD WITH ALL THE PAST THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN SAID!! PLEASEEEEE, OFFER SOME ADVICE!! I FEEL VERY ALONE AND SCARED!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING AND CARING!!! I understand completely what your going through. I can tell you he'll never "get it" and he'll never change. For my ex (of 25years) it was the "blame" factor, nothing could be his fault, the other thing I think is that your spouse is projecting on to you. The things he says about you are really how he feels about himself. My advice to you .... take one day at a time and develop a quality relationship with your daughter (as her mother, not a friend), You can only change yourself, so do the best you can and make life good, loving, fun, educational and form a secure and safe environment in your home. Your daughter will also learn this and hopefully will carry it with her when she has her own family. As far as her dad, I let HIM manage his relationship with his daughters. I got out of the middle and they learned all about him and made there own decisions on how they felt and how close they wanted to be to him. It was an awakening for him because he couldn't talk to them the way he treated me. Don't try to protect her from the person he is, let her experience him and in turn him experience her first hand. Just be there when she needs you and support whatever decisions she makes, even if you disagree. I hope I've given you some ideas and remember, it takes time but you'll be happier. I promise!
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