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Replies to '07/27 Fighting Styles'
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May 1, 2006, 4:53 pm PDT
 Quote From: ladywells I understand completely what your going through. I can tell you he'll never "get it" and he'll never change. For my ex (of 25years) it was the "blame" factor, nothing could be his fault, the other thing I think is that your spouse is projecting on to you. The things he says about you are really how he feels about himself. My advice to you .... take one day at a time and develop a quality relationship with your daughter (as her mother, not a friend), You can only change yourself, so do the best you can and make life good, loving, fun, educational and form a secure and safe environment in your home. Your daughter will also learn this and hopefully will carry it with her when she has her own family. As far as her dad, I let HIM manage his relationship with his daughters. I got out of the middle and they learned all about him and made there own decisions on how they felt and how close they wanted to be to him. It was an awakening for him because he couldn't talk to them the way he treated me. Don't try to protect her from the person he is, let her experience him and in turn him experience her first hand. Just be there when she needs you and support whatever decisions she makes, even if you disagree. I hope I've given you some ideas and remember, it takes time but you'll be happier. I promise!
I've been the looney one at times, according to my husband, but he's also been a lunatic!! Life is 1% what you do and 99% of how you react to what others do, that's what I'm learning. People project things, both positive and negative. Remember the motto,"I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks back to you". We all just want validation and someone to understand and tell us "OK" when we present our problems or ideas, even if they don't totally agree with us. And blame in the end only makes us all feel bad. So my advice to us all is to be responsible for our own behavior and if you can't tolerate someone, you have a choice to either stay or to go. Nobody but you has that choice and I really despise people who say, "You need to leave" when they have no idea what goes on. Kids unfortunately get in the middle sometimes, but you need to hold that thought of arguing or else do it in a respectful, direct way that won't create a standoff. I still struggle myself with this issue. And it will probably never end because we're all stubborn!! |
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