Message Boards
Replies to '07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match'
|
May 1, 2006, 7:22 pm PDT
 Quote From: indichuck I agree that I could not imagine having sex with a woman that did not want to have sex. Totally degrading to her and a huge turn off for me. AND.... what to do when you love/want/desire/lust after your spouse and she has zero interest in any physically intimate activity? She says she is totally in love with me and yet we have arrived at a static friendship. We've been celibate for a year and a half and probably had sex a total of 5 times in the year before we stopped completely. We've been to marriage counseling, the ob/gyn, done the hormone thing, the anti-depressant thing, the testosterone shot/cream. Nothing works. And I love how these women talk about how 'if their man would do some housework they would be all over them...nothing is sexier than a man doing dishes or running the washing machine." Well, I've been all over that stuff for years...if she cooks a meal, I clean, and vice versa. I do most of the laundry, take out the trash, cut the grass, get the cars serviced. And she says it isn't me...she wouldn't want sex if Tom Selleck were in bed with her. So i sleep next to her every night (wanting her) get dressed each morning (loving her and getting excited by how she looks in the morning) and get the quick kiss good bye as we head for work..... What a life! Maybe you aren't right for each other then. I mean you have obviously tried everything and you are out of options. Maybe it's time to move on if sex is that important to you/not important to her at all. Maybe she would agree to let you have some kind of a sexual out let. A girlfriend or a lover. I know many people will get on me for that but sex IS somewhat important and if you have tried everything and are this unhappy then it's time to do something drastic. |
|
|
May 1, 2006, 9:24 pm PDT
Quote From: indichuck I agree that I could not imagine having sex with a woman that did not want to have sex. Totally degrading to her and a huge turn off for me. AND.... what to do when you love/want/desire/lust after your spouse and she has zero interest in any physically intimate activity? She says she is totally in love with me and yet we have arrived at a static friendship. We've been celibate for a year and a half and probably had sex a total of 5 times in the year before we stopped completely. We've been to marriage counseling, the ob/gyn, done the hormone thing, the anti-depressant thing, the testosterone shot/cream. Nothing works. And I love how these women talk about how 'if their man would do some housework they would be all over them...nothing is sexier than a man doing dishes or running the washing machine." Well, I've been all over that stuff for years...if she cooks a meal, I clean, and vice versa. I do most of the laundry, take out the trash, cut the grass, get the cars serviced. And she says it isn't me...she wouldn't want sex if Tom Selleck were in bed with her. So i sleep next to her every night (wanting her) get dressed each morning (loving her and getting excited by how she looks in the morning) and get the quick kiss good bye as we head for work..... What a life! I would steer clear of stereo types when it comes to you own personal relationship. You shouldn't need stereotypes to figure out the kind of woman you wife is. Not all women find doing dishes sexy...I certainly don't. I could care less. I find my husbands brain sexy. I literally get turned on when he starts talking about physics or evolution or history or computer programming. My husband is incredibly brainy and brainy turns me on bad. What EXACTLY has she said to you about her sex drive? She sounds like she's not going to be fixed by doing something specific to turn her on. She sounds like she doesn't want to be "fixed"...a person has to be willing to fix the problem. |
|
|
May 2, 2006, 7:40 am PDT
Quote From: indichuck I agree that I could not imagine having sex with a woman that did not want to have sex. Totally degrading to her and a huge turn off for me. AND.... what to do when you love/want/desire/lust after your spouse and she has zero interest in any physically intimate activity? She says she is totally in love with me and yet we have arrived at a static friendship. We've been celibate for a year and a half and probably had sex a total of 5 times in the year before we stopped completely. We've been to marriage counseling, the ob/gyn, done the hormone thing, the anti-depressant thing, the testosterone shot/cream. Nothing works. And I love how these women talk about how 'if their man would do some housework they would be all over them...nothing is sexier than a man doing dishes or running the washing machine." Well, I've been all over that stuff for years...if she cooks a meal, I clean, and vice versa. I do most of the laundry, take out the trash, cut the grass, get the cars serviced. And she says it isn't me...she wouldn't want sex if Tom Selleck were in bed with her. So i sleep next to her every night (wanting her) get dressed each morning (loving her and getting excited by how she looks in the morning) and get the quick kiss good bye as we head for work..... What a life! Except I'm fairly sure our stations in life are somewhat different.
I'm in my early 20's, super energetic with a great sex drive and a pretty adventurous spirit (I worked in a adult novelty store for many years in what's considered the 'gay/bi/les district of our city, there's NOT MUCH that would shock me, or gross me out. I figure, you only live once, right?) and, not to toot my own horn here or anything, but I know I'm very attractive to both men AND women.
My husband is eight years older than me, and as he has said and I quote "I've never been with a woman with a high sex drive, to be honest, sex was a chore in past relationships and I've never really been with someone who I felt wanted ME". My husband is the sweetest, smartest, sexiest man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, let alone falling in love with so at first I was in shock - how could they just not want him? how could he live without sex altogther? I mean, not to go into graphic detail but he's definitly the only man I'd ever met not to recieve oral sex until the age of 28. I guess for the most part I understand, as he is a real gentleman and treats EVERY woman he comes across with absolute respect (one of the reasons I love him.) If he says his ex's just weren't that into sex I BELIEVE HIM. They seem for lack of a better word, like prudes, and seem to think that men can/should live without sex in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I can't live without sex in a relationship, so for me, this man putting up with all he has and not going crazy? He's a saint! I would have snapped a long time ago!
MY PROBLEM? Our sex schedules totally clash. He's not very good at intiating sex, and while I took up the brunt of this for a long time and didn't mind, lately I am wishing he'd just pick me up and scoop me into that bedroom already! I mean, he tells me a million times a day how sexy he thinks I am - we can't walk down the street without him telling me this man and that man are checking me out - but we don't have sex! When we began dating we were like rabbits, and now, it's hardly once a week. He's told me it's not me and he's seeking help from his doctor, but I am extremley discouraged. I feel unwanted and absolutely alone. I used to love when he'd come home from work and now it's a time I dread because I know we'll just sit there like roomates or something, completley non-sexual. I feel as if I am stuck in a sexless marriage already - to be honest, i expected something like this maybe when kids come along, but hey, this is crazy! I wish I could just smack him upside the head. How is it a man can acknowledge and get crazy jealous over others looking at you etc. etc. but when it comes to 'getting down to business' there's nothing at all?
....I'm afraid. I'm working so hard to keep myself having 'those feelings' for him and trying to keep this little family we've just begun building together. I feel as if I'm trying alone though, and part of me has begun to self talk, I'm young, hot and have my whole life waiting for me. What am I doing?! |
|
Return to the Message Board
