Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'

After having read your letter and your story about all that you have been thru with your son, my heart just sank. I can so relate to what all you had said in your letter. My youngest has not gotten to that point of being that violent and I pray each and every day that she does not wind up in an institution some where. Moreover something that you said really hit a cord with me, saying that your son said he saw Demons, My daughter has been seeing them since she was 3 years old and she said once we moved into our home, she said that they were here as well and that a Devil lived under her bed. She at one point told her former Dr. that they ( the demons) would tell her things to do bad things. She told us that they told her to kill me and my other daughter. For more than a year I kept my oldest daughter in my room with me, so that the youngest would not carry out her threghts. 

As time went by and she got older and more bolder she got very physicaly abuse hitting, kicking, head butting, biteing, and constantly harassing me and my other daughter. I never seem to know when she will laps back into what I call her Dark Moods. The look you described in your son's eyes were exactly   the same I see in my youngest when she gets into a rage. I have had to call police out to my home to calm her down before, but because of her age they couldnt do more than that, they said take her to the hospital if she gets out of control.  

I can't bring myself to that, she is still a young child and I cant see putting her into any kind of hospital or institution due to her illness, as uncertin as it is. Her outbursts come and go at random, they arent always frequently. But my biggest fear is that she will get worse as she gets older. I cant find any one that will help us with her, to get a better diagnosis, all I know so far is that she is bipolar with possible schophernia. She has an extreamly high IQ and most days that helps her but when she goes to that Dark Side she no longer has control its like she becomes some one else, and she cant stop what she is doing. 

I can understand your Mother instincts, I feel the same about my little girl and I will go to my grave protecting her and my other at all possible costs. I know as she gets older her violent nature may get far worse, but I would rather her hurt me than my other daughter, she is terrified of her when she gets like that , so far out of control.  She has hit me with things, bloodied my nose, given me black eyes etc.. I will endure it all as she is my child and I will do what I can to help her and protect her. 

Don't give up, have faith I know if it were not for my faith and my percerverience I would not be able to hang on but I do, and I will keep on doing it.  The most important thing I can say to you is you are your Son's Mother, Take care of yourself first then do what ever you can to help him, yes, family may not want you to but; Your his MOM first and formost, let no one deter you from your mothering insticts. But again take care of you first , then take care of him as best you can, but dont let him ever hurt you again, next time he may go to far.  Its our burden and our missery, but we have to love our children no matter what!