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May 3, 2006, 12:11 pm PDT
Baby steps
Quote From: secretme02You know -- I know I need to look after ME -- but you hit it on the head -- it is a scary place to be.
Because I made some bad choices and went into a spending spiral that put us into major debt -- my fault -- bad choices, but precipitated by the beginning of his friendship with her -- he took my name off of the joint account. You know typing it out -- I do know what that means......... but I still am too paralysed to save myself. How do I find the strength?
Am I wasting my time by confronting him and asking for truth, trust and control?? I am so conflicted -- and I don't want to see a lawyer until I am prepared to follow through..............
I ask him to help me by trying to understand how I feel -- and he says he will try -- how many times do I let him try just long enough to placate me, and then stop?
You know I used to wonder why abused women stayed -- and now I know some of the paralysis they must feel.
Trust me, what you are going through is a phase. The next one is anger, and possibly revenge. Before you get there, and do something you will regret or say things that can't be unsaid, confide in someone. Coming here was a good first step, but talking to someone you know will make it real in your life. Like I said, if he's cheating, and it sounds to me like he is, having it in the open is oftenttimes the kiss of death to an affair. Also, he will see that you are not going to be a passive doormat about it either. Men respect strength of character and a willingness to stand up for yourself. And you will begin to respect yourself again too. Taking this and doing nothing will get you nowhere, and it's what he's counting on.
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