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Replies to '08/30 Possessive People'
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May 4, 2006, 12:23 am PDT
 Quote From: jlou85 I just had to comment when I saw all of this. I'm about to be married in August, and my future mother in law is just a nightmare. She has worked on my fiance since the beginning of his life to manipulate him, scare him, and guilt him into doing what she wants him to. Luckily, at the beginning of the relationship I told him if we were going to be serious the relationship we had would be first priority; I haven't had hardly any trouble since (with him). She is constantly trying to run my wedding, and I'm growing to really dislike her. We have been house hunting a little, and I have refused to get anything inside her zip code. She is just poisoning my life. I almost threw calla lilies out of my wedding because she said she likes them. I know it's immature, but it stems from the frustration. She has made it clear in notes to my fiance that she wishes everything were the way it was before I was there. He is also preparing to convert to my religion, and I know that will send her over the edge. She told me she wanted us and her grandchildren at her church with her. Well, now that I've vented all of that I have to say I feel for the lady on the show. If I had her mother I would definately move farther away than Ireland. If anyone would like to give any advice to a girl whos words go in one ear and out the other with her mother in law please drop me a line. Thanks
The best way to firmly cement yourself as the the captain of your own ship with your soon to be mother-in-law is to get your fiance to have a frank discussion with her regarding her demanding, and interfering behavior. If you protest too much from the very beginning she will paint you as the adversarial, selfish, and beligerant daughter-in-law. This happended to me. My husband still has never stood up for us, and our right to be independant, and we have been married almost 20 years.
When my husband and I went on vacation to Mexico, she stayed with our children (she asked to). While we were gone she completely rearranged our home! She moved furniture, and organized my closets, made scrapbooks for our photos, and called our credit card companies to rearrange our payment schedules, and made an appointment for me to have a mammogram! She also managed to run off some of my son's friends. When they met us at the airport, my twelve-year-old son said, "Please don't ever leave us alone with her again-she is crazy!" Now when our kid's know she is coming for a visit, they groan and quickly start making plans to stay over the weekend with friends. When she visits she is quick to say critical things, her favorite is "I don't like your.........insert anything here, televison, carpet, dishes, broom, whatever! I finally told her, "Well Gloria, I don't really care if you like it, I didn't buy it for you, I bought it for myself, and I like it." She talks nonstop when she is here, and monopolizes every conversation, and demands that we adhere to her itinerary. She is crazy, manipulative, and completely obnoxious. She has tried to give me parenting advise, even though she ran out and left her two older children when they were 11, and 12 taking only her two youngest with her.
She makes a point of telling everyone that she thought my husband was gay before we married because he just didn't seem to be serious about women. When she says this it hurts him deeply and I want to rip her hair out of her head. When he was a boy he was sexually abused by a teacher and he told her. Being completely self absorbed as always she didn't hear him, As a result he was confused about sex as a young man and is humiliated by these comments now. My husband is a good man. He is successful, loving, and completely heterosexual, he is masculine and extremely attractive, as well as a very good lover. But whenever she opens her mouth he feels just as humiliated and worthless as he did when he was a child being molested.
When she is here I feel as though we are being held hostage. I count the hours until her departure, although she will never say exactly when she will be leaving, just as she never says when she is coming, "Maybe Friday afternoon, or possibly Saturday Morning." This woman is a menace I swear! And my sister-in-law feels exactly as I do. My husband and I have a great marriage when she is not around. He is responsible, level headed, strong, and loving. He is truly the love of my life and the perfect man, until she comes to visit.
We live in the country and have 45 acres of land. She is beginning to say that she is going to retire to our farm, and build a home here. I have told my husband that hell will actually freeze over before I will allow this to happen. Anyway, I am sorry that I have vented so much here, all I started off to say is that you should enlist your fiance's help now to nip it in the bud before she manages to transform into your own personal nightmare. I wish you the best of luck! |
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