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Replies to '07/28 When Sexual Styles Don't Match'
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May 4, 2006, 7:03 pm PDT
 Quote From: shawnigan I've been going through this for a little while now, my husband doesn't want sex EVER...why did he marry me anyway, he knows I have a high sex drive. It's like freakin torture and I don't want to committ adultry. The topic of sex come up again the other night and BAM now I am looking at a divorce and why, you ask, because he can't deal with his issues. It's like I can't satisfy him no matter what I do. I can't even make supper right anymore. I don't know what his problem is... I have tried to be patient with him after all he says that It's only going to work if there is no tension. So I try to be patient, loving, and gentle, I give him back rubs at night because he works so hard. I don't complain... even though I want to. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG. Now he sleeps on the couch and i'm in the bed room. It's been that way for a while now. Can you tell we have been married for only one and a half years. I even approached the subject of going to see the Doctor, I had to do that very gently, even then he said that a divorce was imminent. It was a concern, I wasn't asking for a divorce. Well I guess that's what I got anyway. I am anticipating replies to your message, as I am in the same boat as your hubby. I am the one who has moved out of the bedroom, and can't stand sex. We started out O.K., then I started loosing interest but kept 'putting out' for him, then I started asking myself why I should have to when I didn't want to. I feel sorry for Hubby, but just can't lie there and grit my teeth any longer. I want our marriage to work, but without the sex. We now have seperate rooms and he has stopped pressuring so much, and after sevaral months, I reached out and gave him a cuddle. First one I've given volintarily for ages. Any chance of telling Hubby that you want to make a marriage work, and will love him even if he never has sex again? If you remind him of the things you love about him, he may feel less pressure, and start to relax with you. Do things together that don't involve touch - board games, card games, video and popcorn on seperate couches... give him as much space as he needs - can he have his own room for as long as he needs it? Quit grumbling about it - that just puts pressure on him and pushes him away further and faster. Learn to satisfy yourself as much as you can, and enjoy the good side of him. Leave the physical side to him. He probably needs to know that you love him more than sex, and will not leave him because of it. That is what I am wanting and needing from my hubby. |
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