Replies to 'Living with Chronic Pain'

Hi, I read alot of posts in this section...  I myself have chronic back pain, I was hit by a drunk driver almost 4 years ago, she didn't have car ins. and my back was broken along with other injuries... well, 10 months after that, I was hit head on again in another car accident while sitting at a red light!!  I was VERY LUCKY that I was not paralized when my back was initially broken, it was a week before my wedding, it was my batchelorette party, and we were on our way to meet my future sister in law.  But the second accident is what really did the long term damage...  Nothing else was broken, or seen, but the pain increased continuously to the point where I am now on dissability, I take huge amounts of pain meds... I am now only 33, I was 29 when the accident initially happened.  I have two boys, one 15 and the other 10, both have had a very difficult time with my ex-husband who has now totally abandoned them.  He married a woman who was horrible before my accident, I was in the process of getting remarried.  Here's the thing that affected me and upset me the MOST from all of this, other then the constant financial problems and pain that i suffere every day, and it is true when they say you usually end up alone... and when you don't SEE the damage it is very hard for people to understand it.  But the hardest thing for me was when I finally woke up in the hospital and realized over a week had gone by, and what exactly happend to me, I was more happy that last week in the hospital then since I have been out.  I thought when I woke up WOW, I have been given another chance!!!   My doctor said I would be back to normal within a year, even with the rods and screws in my back...  but I thought, mabye NOW all the fighting and crap will stop... Life is too short for all this junk!!!  Unfortunately, my ex and his wife went to GREAT lengths to use this against me, constantly trying to say that I was unfit, that I was incoherent with my meds, that I would OD  which was ALL TOTALLY UNTRUE... I may take alot of meds, but they don't affect me in anyway that people would think.   Like I said, my ex ended up just walking away and I guess since they couldn't convince anyone that I was unfit, they decided they didn't want anything to do with the kids at all anymore... but believe me, I was NOT just automatically given the benifit of the doubt from anyone!!!  I had trouble with everyone, family, friends...  I did get married about 6 months later, but it was a big mistake.  I found out he had a HUGE addiction to online pronography, but I think because I was so afraid that I wouldn't find anyone else with my condition and having two kids, and NO INCOME except child support anymore... you can't count on child support!!  I married him anyway, we did get a divorce in less then two years though... so now, two divorces...  I feel like I am either completely taken advantage of, or totally ignored.   

Right now, my older son is living with his grandparents...  Mainly because of so much stress with depression and so much turmoil in my childrens lives since my first divorce, my youngest son is ADHD, he is very close to me, but has lost his father, and ALL of his fathers side of the family has also completely abandoned him.  It breaks my heart... I want to do SO MUCH MORE for him, the physical limitations I have keep me from doing "boys" things with him... he has problems in school, he constantly worries that something else is going to happen to me.  I am now with someone else, but as usual, I am dependent on him and I can't STAND that!!  He is NOT a very good role model for my son, and he isn't ANYTHING like he portrayed himself to be to me when we first met either.  I HATE the fact that I feel like my life is directed by depending on other people, I WANT to depend on myself, I WANT to be able to control my own life with my children, but there is always something in my way...  it is so depressing, and frustrating and the chronic pain, that is causing all of this is just killing me emotionally, mentally, and physically.  I have done pretty much everything the doctors recommend, somethings they want to hold back from because of my young age, but there isn't anything left at this point...  and pain pills are just not working, I HATE taking pills anyway!!  I really wish I had someone to talk to, my doctor keeps suggesting I go to counseling, but I just can't get motivated, as many doctors I have to see now, along with my son and his problems... I just have NO ENERGY for it.  So, if anyone out there needs to vent or talk about things I would be more then happy to listen and be able to talk to someone who truely understands!!!  Thanks all, and I know there are many people out there worse then me, but no matter what, we have all had our lives change completely, and I am having a very hard time getting used to this new lifestyle...  It is just sometimes too difficult to handle and deal with.   

Thanks for listening...