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Replies to 'Ready for Marriage?'
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May 10, 2006, 11:23 am PDT
 Quote From: dawngirl34 I am a divorced mother of 3. I have been dating a great guy for the last 3 years. Lets call him BIFF. BIFF loves the kids dearly and treats them like they are his own. I have never in my life met someone that can make me laugh like he can, after 3 years we still act like little kids when we are together. We see each other on a regular basis but we each have new houses of our own...so there has not been talk about moving in together. BIFF has never been married before ( he's 36). I think he may have commitment issues. My dilemma is this...I love him and I know he loves me. I at some point I would like to remarry but I think he would be very content keeping things the way they are. When I told him I think we need to have "the talk" he said he was not ready and that "good things came to those who wait" WAIT? How long do I wait? Is 3 years not long enough? Hi. I was/am in a similiar situation, but this b/f and I also dated a long time ago, when we were younger. The relationship ended because he couldn't commit in the 6 yrs..he didn't even want to talk about it, and I was young and I guess I wanted to give him time...He couldn't even invite me to meet his mom, in his homestate. On the last day together, he angrily said 'ok let's go out and buy a ring', then I knew it was over...I never heard another word...Well years went by, I married and he didn't...then, when I was free again I called him up to see how his life...Fell back in love, and the same thing happen...His mom now 94, and my b/f sees her every Thanksgiving, and he calls it a 'working vacation'. I'm a mom of a 21 yr. old, and I understand that 'one-on-one time', and I just ask my b/f if we could take a trip out there, I could stay in a hotel. But, I just wanted 1 Thanksgiving Day with his mom...I don't know if she'll have another...I said I want him to spend time alone with her, but couldn't I also see her that one day...He takes 1 wk. vacation there, and the other 1 wk.. he rest up at his home...I said, couldn't we take the 2 wks, (just that once) and he could spend lots of time helping his mom, and then he and I can spend a day here and there, and go visit his hometown...I've been with this guy a total of 9 yrs...I yr. of this, broke up, because I had to give him the 'either or', and I really didn't want to. I waited and look where that got me? just pain....that's why I got out of it after the 2 yrs. this time around...and for you, 3 yr. is long enough, especially if you want different things then him...my b/f also never married, which is a big sign...I told my b/f also to make 1 appt. to see a counselor, which he refuses...says they don't help...I think you have to do what you feel you have to do, to be happy...or you may end up like me...and trust me, you don't because the hurt just goes on and on...Perhaps, you and I can go in together for counseling..wouldn't hurt...but, if he refuses that, then you''ll know your understand..hope this helps, perhaps you could message me back and give me any advice too, so I'll know I did the right thing..thanks |
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