Replies to 'The Other Woman'

Thank you for the reply. I did get a reply for someone else but please believe me I need all the help that I can get. So please give me advice and anyone else that is willing to reply with advice would be greatly appreciated also. Yes, he has alot of issues with her and that is an understatement! He did go to counseling when she filed for the divorce (she would not go). He thought that would help  hold the marriage together, the counsler told him that he needed to get on with his life because she did not love him and had not for a long time, he told him that she had been laying the groundwork for this divorce for a very long time and he could not believe that he had not seen any of this. He (my husband) had some letters that she had written, where she had admitted to the affairs and also she told of how she wanted her time to do her thing without him or the kids. She said "she wanted and needed to be single she was tired of being stuck with someone" So he wasn't happy with the counsler at that time for being so truthful and honest with him, I guess is the reason. Now myself, I think I could have seen what was going on there. So I am not sure if he would go back to another one or not. I have not mentioned going to a counsler to him yet. I just want to wait and see if we can't just talk this all out. He does listen to me when I try to explain how I feel about her and the way he keeps talking about her all the time. I am stupid I guess, I know that a lot is me because I am so jealeous of the way he treated her and how he felt about her even after the divorce he tried to get her back knowing that she had cheated on him several times, he didn't care about that if she would have stayed. I am not kidding at all, he treated her like she was a queen, she didn't want for anything that she didn't get, she was always just doing things for herself, hair, makeup, nails, shopping for clothes for herself, etc. She was and is a very selfish, self-centered person that just thinks of herself only. She loved going out to clubs at least once a week and then she had the "girls weekend retreats" always leaving him at home with the kids. Now I do not think that a married woman has any business doing this, I would never had done anything like this in my first marriage or now.  I'm totally opposite from her, completely. He tells me all the time that he is so happy and he feel blessed to have met me, that I am the type of woman that he has always wanted (his Southern Bell is what he calls me) someone that respects family and home life, honest and true. Well I am honest, truthful, kind plain and simple, I do not wear all the makeup like she does, I do not waste 10 hours per day getting my self together like she did. So my question to him is and has been - If you loved her so and you thought that she was the greatest thing that ever was, how can you say that you love me and tell me that I am the kind of woman you have always wanted? He didn't just love her he worshipped her and it was very obvious when I found all those pictures and disks, he had hundreds and hundreds, now I must saw that she loved being in front of the camera, she thought that she was a model or a want to be (long way from that in my book)......... I don't know...period!  I feel that we were brought together for a reason, because the way we met was one of those "just to be things". I do love him and he loves me to, I just think that he doesn't love me like he loved her. I feel like I am a security blanket for him, I'm stable, secure, have my feet planted firmly on the ground. She was and is nothing at all like me (Thank God)! I know for sure that if she would have called off the divorce that he would have taken her back, I know he would have. But she wanted that man that she left him and the family for but he dumped her as soon as she left and filed for the divorce, we met (at my work- one time) about a month after she left him, about one month after the divorce we met again (at my work - medical field) theat is when we started calling each other and then dating. He told me that he could never get me out of his head from the first time he met me, and he didn't even know my name, he said that I seemed to stay in his thoughts all the time. That is what helped him through the end of the divorce, he said. I had been divorced for 3 years when we met so I was totally over any feeling that I once had for my ex. and I was not at all looking for anyone when I met him but we just, I don't know there was this feeling between us when we met, I can't explain. Anyway back to the issue -I tell him that he should be able to talk to her about the kids when an issue with them comes up but he will not do that, he said that he never wants to talk to her again. I know that it would probably bother me but he need to be able to do that for the kids. I do talk to my ex if I have a question or an issue that I need to discuss concerning our sons and he should be able to do that also. I do not have any type of feelings for my ex at all, I don't hate him, I don't like him, I don't have any kind of feelings at all where he is concerned and I have been that way for a long time. I wish that my husband was that way with her but he isn't he feels the need to tell me daily how much he hates her. When we were out with 2 of his co-workers several weeks ago the subject of ex-spouses came up for a second and my husband had to go into detail about his ex and one of the co-workers ex lived in the same town, he kept on about how weird he thought that was, how horrible she was, about her lover living there, etc. the co-workers didn't say anything they could see that I was uncomfortable and they were uncomfortable for me, my husband never even give it a thought. It is things like this that keep me upset and worried. Is it possible that he could love me and still have these feeling for her? Will he ever get over this? Do I just need to ignore his comments about her? Or do I just need to tell him that this it it - shut up about her or go back to her - I don't want to hear about her anymore.   

Oh my goodness there is so much more that I could say, things that I have found since we got married that he had kept. Just to much to tell but would love to talk about it to someone willing to listen. Thanks for sending me the reply and I hope you don't get to tired reading all this stuff, it's just that I need answers, need help with what to do. Thanks