Replies to '05/12 Toxic Relationships'

Hi, I must say that my heart bleeds for little Chris, please you have to do something and soon, you cannot stand by and let your husband treat your son this way, it is not fair. You also need to mend the fences with your parents. How would you feel if someone comes into your son's lives at a later stage and due to them, you end up being estranged from your sons and their future children? I would quite simply put my foot down, move out with both boys if you have to. All I know for sure is that my son is my life and over my dead body would someone enforce a punishment on him that I don't deem fit for the 'crime'. If someone even tried they would come up against me!! I would suggest an intervention with your husband, get a local councillor or someone from your church to facilitate it. Don't attack him, maybe he really just doesnt realise what he is doing. Maybe he is also battling adjusting to having a child of his own, and having those feelings towards Kyle, that he just can't seem to summon up for Chris and he feels guilty about that. An intervention may make him realise what he is doing. Please do something about it, for Chris's sake if for nothing else.

It sounds to me like he is isolating you from loved one, 

your family and now trying to do that with your child! 

  

That is Abuse, one of their tactics, to make you feel like 

they are the only one you have. You will always have them 

and need them always.  

  

I am betting that if you read some signs of abuse, you would 

find that there are more. Just because he is not hitting 

you doesn't mean he isn't hurting you....right? 

  

I know exactly how you feel and I am going through the same 

thing right now. The only fights we have are about my daughter 

from a previous marriage. Doesn't matter what his son has done 

he is 20 and been in jail 4 times. Not to mention DT before that! 

  

Punishing that boy for a week?!? Not letting him go to a school 

function that affects his grade? All of that is extreme and wrong IMO! 

I know it is hard, but I think that most men don't start out beating 

their loved ones. Abuse is subtle and it is damaging. 

  

See my daughter was in a rollover accident and luckily they were all 

OK, but I was so concerned about it. Well my H wanted to ground her 

for a month. I said that was ridiculous and she was shook up enough. 

He thinks I should back him up on his behavior. He says he does that 

with me. I say, yeah, but I don't treat your son the way you treat mine  

daughter and I don't think you are right!  

  

He thinks he is fair and I think he is abusive and mean. I want to go to  

counseling and he thinks I have the problems. I do have problems 

I need to deal with, but he does too! I am ready to leave him. We have 

both of the kids living with us and we have two younger ones as well. 

He will do anything for his son and kick my daughter out for  

anything too.  

  

Get some support and read some sights on line or books about verbal  

abuse and any kind of abuse. Get some help for you, make yourself 

strong and be there for your kids.  Good luck!! 

  

  

  

  

They seem to have a way of making us feel like we are not really 

dealing with a full deck, at least me. It is just their way of gaining 

control of us 

                     It sounds like your husband is controlling and abusive. I'm on the verge of tears right now because a specific aspect of your story hits home.. I married a great man he has been raising my son for  a few years . I understand when you say your child loves his step dad very much my son glows when my husband comes home.And i am so happy for that.  

                      

                     I can imagine how you must feel when your husband rejects your son. I feel very sad for your son that your husband doesn't seem to treat him well. You need to tell this man it isn't okay to emotionally abuse your son, emotional abuse will not make him be a good person in the future! Emotional abuse will destroy his self-esteem and could potentially make him become an abuser himself. 

  

                    Your son should not be held responsible for your youngest child! Maybe your husband would be willing to get HELP!  DON'T allow him to do this to your son. 

Your husband is CONTROLLING and he does tell you what to do....  

   

Your husband is controlling and he threatens you with losing your child...he will take him away if you go to see your parents.  That is controlling and abusive.  

   

Your husband does tell you where you can go....and also tells you who can come to your house.  That is controlling and abusive.  

   

Do you control the checkbook....with all the $$$?  Or is just a portion of the $$$ in there?  

   

Do you know all about the family finances and assets.....401K, Ira's......stocks, bonds,  mutual funds, his pension.  Do  you have access and know all of it.....State and Federal Returns on Taxes.....His W2's.  

   

WHAT TO HECK DOES THIS MEAN????? you said, "I tried by being the better person today"   give me a break....you tip toe around him in fear......HE IS DOING A WHOLE LOT WRONG....AND HE IS NOT ADMITTING IT TO YOU.  

   

You did NOT do anything wrong with the child.....you are his mother and need to stand up for this child of yours.  

   

YOU HAVE MORE THAN RED FLAGS.....THEY ARE WAVING.......AND YOU ARE NOT SEEING WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.   

   

He is abusing you and your children.....he is threatening you with abuse tactics and he is isolating you as I said in answer to your other post here......he is controlling and abusive.  

   

You can feel the ramifications of the abuse.  

   

And you are seeing its effects on your Child Chris.......When will you stand up for your child and KNOW that you are doing the RIGHT thing.