Replies to 'The Other Woman'

Thank you, I do love my husband and I want this marriage to work I am in this for the long haul, I HOPE! I know that he loves me but it is not the same type of love he had for her and I have told him that, he said that he was in a fantasy world with her, what he thought he had he didn't, it was all just a make belief world, now with me he is finally in reality and he really knows what love is and is about and that is what he wants. I am trying to be patient and to not be so jealous over this situation. It's just hard at times. I know with my ex-husband (was married for 31 yrs) got married real young - I do not have any type of feelings at all for him,  he is the father of my sons, that's all. I do not hate him, even though I should for the way he treated me,  my husband tell me  that I should hate him, when I tell him that I have NO feelings for him, he doesn't understand because of his feelings over his ex wife. But then again I never worshipped my ex or had him up on a pedistal the way he did his ex, this may be the difference, I don't know. It doesn't bother me if I have to talk to my ex about anything but he just refuses to talk to her if he can get out of it at all, when she does call  and he does talk to her, his voice is always so sweet and kind and I have to remark to him when he hangs up. Whatever she called to ask him he will do if he can, he said that he didn't want to start a fight with her because she would win, she always does. I told him that you would never know that he was talking to someone that he hates by the tone of his sweet, kind voice............Anyway I knew that he had all ths baggage when I married him, it is my fault for not waiting until I knew that he really was over her but he kept rushing me for a date after I accepted the ring. So I guess I thought I could change his mind over her and I guess he thought that he would get over her quicker if he got married, mistake on both parts but we did get married and I plan on it working out, it is just very stressful to know that he still has feelings for her, love or hate, they are still feelings. I am tired of hearing about her in any way and I did let him know that this past weekend and he has not mentioned her name in our conservations yesterday and today so far. He knows how I feel about her and how hurt that I am over the way he treated her and the way he treats me, there is a big difference. One of the ladies on here said that I was looking at it  "like it was the looks that mattered" but she said that wasn't the case, well with him it is the case to a point.  As I said his hobby is photography that is the excuse he gave me for having all those hundreds & hundreds of pictures of her, I am not kidding with that number at all, (he said that he loves to take pictures) not with me, from the day we met until present I would bet you there is no more than 20 pictures of me and most of them are with someone else or with him. He has one picture of me that was taken at the beach on his desk & one on his nightstand.  Then there is one of both us in his wallet. I am not that camera friendly I guess. He took a picture one day with the camera phone and looked at it and said "oh that isn't a good  picture" then deleted it (I would bet you he never deleted any of her) I have told him about this and his reply to that is : he screw up before by taking so many pictures of her and she resented it in the end and he doesn't want to do the same mistake again or to do anything to hurt me later. I think this is a poor excuse. I just look totally different that she does and I think that is the true answer..........Anyway you can see how I am........I keep finding these things that really bother me..no, they hurt me and I just can't let them go, just things like this and him talking about her whether it is hate her or what, I don't want to hear about it anymore. So him working in another state at present  has given me plenty of time to think, good and bad...............I do know that he loves me, he sit by my bedside everyday and night when I was in the hospital (9 days) and he hates hospitals more than anyone I know. So that showed me that he did really love me, he really is good to me other that this thing with his ex. Is he just trying to treat me good so that I will overlook his feelings for her?  Is he hoping that being married to me will get him over her sooner? I just don't know how to deal with this situation, I thought that he would be over her completely by the time we got married and I would not have to listen about her anymore, but that isn't the case. I never thought that I would ever be in anything like this............. Just like this past weekend when he came in we went out to eat and we went past a nice restaurant and his comment was " ______, she loved to eat here, I guess this is where her lover takes her now, or maybe she still go there alone the way she did when she was screwing around on me" I was so hurt that he even brought her name up.......since he had been gone and come in for 2 days to spend with me, now one of these 2 days was spent with his kids (18 & 21) at the house until 3 in the morning playing games.  I love his kids so please don't get me wrong, but they never call me or come by if he isn't here, never. When he is here for anly a short time I would like to spend it with him alone. Well now I sound just like a mean selfish wife and stepmom  don't I ?  Thanks again ladies for all your help! PLEASE keep talking to me, this really does help, I just hope that I do not bore you all to pieces. I just need someone to talk to & I have no one here just you guys. SO THANKS and keep sending me messages and advice.