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Replies to '05/12 Toxic Relationships'
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May 12, 2006, 12:14 pm PDT
 Quote From: flthomcat First of all, WHY would you live with this man? Why not wait until you have a committment? Where's the incentive for him to marry you? Additionally, WHY would you even want a man capable of cheating (leopards don't change their spots)? And WHY would you put up with a man who obviously doesn't put you second, behind your daughter (yes, his child should remain #1 in his life)? You apparently aren't 1st or 2nd on his list!
You obviously are SETTLING. Sometime inside you must tell you that you don't deserve better. This is NOT a problem with his child. This is a major relationship problem between you and your boyfriend. The child is the LEAST of your problems.
If he won't get help with you, get help alone. After that, If his treatment of you continues, it's time to walk away and get yourself mentally healthy before starting a new relationship. Your self-esteem is low and you are NOT ready for any relationship until that changes. And only you can change that! God bless and good luck to you. You deserve so much better, but YOU need to believe that.
Having just left a situation that has similarities to yours (no physical violence), I can say with utmost clarity IT WILL NEVER WORK. You are a lone salmon swimming up this stream not only in your relationship with the significant other, but I can imagine friends and family are beginning to withdraw also. You virtually have no support in any direction unless it's the therapist. If you can't get at least 50% of your needs met in this situation, you will be signing up for nothing less than an emotional prison sentence. I agree with the other writer that he is putting you in the middle and demanding you "fix" things. This is really crazy making and not your responsibility. His daughter is confused; her loyalties are constantly being tested. Try to resolve something and if things don't work out, be ready for endless blaming by everybody involved and more resentment from the child. Ex spouses can be so toxic that is simply impossible to create anything resembling a healthy relationship and by staying, you not only endure the suffering yourself, but participate in creating more suffering for the little girl and enabling your boyfriend to minimize his participation and not get help which he may NEVER do. There is nothing you can do but continue on in therapy and find out why you need so much drama in your life. It is possible to find someone who will treat you well if you believe and act like you deserve it. |
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