Replies to '05/12 Toxic Relationships'

It is your job as Chris's mother to remove him to a place where he is safe. He is being emotionally abused on a daily basis by your husband, and he is being warped by your failure to protect him. This will effect him for the rest of his life, count on it.  

You may think that the reason your husband picks on Chris and not Kyle is because Chris is not his own. Just wait. A man with your husband's type of character flaws does not feel threatened until his child begins becoming his own person-- around age 8. This is the age when molestors start molesting their children.  It's the age when controllers begin their lifelong campaign to batter down their children's egoes. 

Sometimes it goes differently-- there's a man across the street from us who had two sons. He chose to continually ride his eldest, give him the silent treatment, ridicule him.  He worshipped the ground the younger son walked on-- continually holding the younger's achievements up to the elder, rubbing his face in it.  Meanwhile his wife (who he always verbally abused) became an alcoholic, and now at 60 has cancer. His elder son died at 20(health complications of having been a coke addict), never having finished school or gained any self-respect.  This doesn't mean the youngest came out OK. He will keep on achieving out of fear-- deep down, though he hides it from himself, he knows his father can turn on him at the drop of a hat. He will keep on blocking out his true recognition of how his father steadily destroyed his mother and brother. Someday with luck he will face his rage and grief, and mourn how he was robbed of the people who loved him. If he doesn't, he is doomed to repeat it all, probably as the aggressor. 

I'm not exaggerating. I'm 56 and I've seen variations of the same pattern all my life.  You can't just take Kyle away, but you can see a lawyer and get things in motion. The goal would be to have Kyle safely in your custody, with friendly visiting relations with his Dad, for as long as possible.  That will give him a strong foundation to work from, when it comes time to learn to deal with his Dad.