Replies to '05/17 Brandon Behind Bars'
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May 13, 2006, 9:36 am PDT
 Quote From: tseelig I have been struggling with my son since he was 12. He will be 16 in a couple months and he knows how to play the game. He is not using Heroin it's pot. I know people think that it is not addictive, but I know better, he has stolen our money when we didn't have it to spare, he lies all the time, he gets violently angry when confronted, punching doors,walls, throwing things, destroying property, He only attends school 2 or 3 days a week, even though probation says he must go EVERY day, because of this he is currently in the 8th grade when he should be in the 11th. He has been in residential treatment twice, but was unable to complete the second stay because I was laid off and lost my insurance. He is charming and funny and popular, until he hears the words no. He knows what to say to manipulate his way out of everything, my heart is breaking and I just don't understand the thought process, he just refuses to to follow anyone elses rules. He will tell you to your face as convincing as can be, but the minute you are out of site it's a free for all. They don't have daycare for 15 year olds. I have a 19 year old that is responsible and trustworthy. I know that my 15 year old thinks we hate him, that we are out to get him, he may be right we are out to get him on the right path before it's too late. My husband and I both have an extensive history of alcholics and addicts in our families and that scares me, I am terrified that my son will too end up in jail because he refuses to learn fom his mistakes. He is making home a hell on earth, you never know what to expect. My heart drops every time the phone rings. It is so hard to get away from the drugs these days esspecially for teen and pre-teens, there are no after school programs like when I was young, I was shocked that at 12 years of age my son was taking xanax and dringking, he had tried heroin, cocaine,xtc, acid, mushrooms and god knows what else. These were all given to him by other middle school children and I'm told some parents even gave my son drugs??? The drugs are everywhere, what can you do? You can't be with your child 24/7? "if your NOT ADDICTED,,, good then prove it, GET OFF THE POT!" i know Dr.s and lawyer's who smoke it and they all think We (in the real world don't know it) i have a friend and i say to him "aawwwww your stoned again" no one else will say they even know he is! one joint is as bad as 20 ciggarettes, i just read My Son's college report on pot. also, they r paranoid, so no wonder he thinks your "out to get him" this guy i know admitted to Me he thought his neighbors knew he smoked and were gonna turn him in! now that he doesn't smoke he sees how CRAZY he was! he paased them and would flip them off! i just found that part out! they had NO CLUE as to why he was doing it! he thought they could smell it (i bet they did) and were ready to turn him in! it is bad no matter what. go to church and maybe see if someone there is willing to come along side your Son (maybe a guy like 22) and talk w/him about changing his life and living a clean life. i tell my newphew's "hey there r some pretty Girls in church guys, you aint gonna find them in a bar!" i have seen lives change, through the right church! ck the church's out in your area first and you go for you,,, then get the whole family involved. Our Son is 23 and is proud to say he has never touched a drug in his life. i think the friendships he made in church kept him from doing bad things, i really do. i pray for you and your Son. just one person's advice |
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May 17, 2006, 5:02 am PDT
Quote From: tseelig I have been struggling with my son since he was 12. He will be 16 in a couple months and he knows how to play the game. He is not using Heroin it's pot. I know people think that it is not addictive, but I know better, he has stolen our money when we didn't have it to spare, he lies all the time, he gets violently angry when confronted, punching doors,walls, throwing things, destroying property, He only attends school 2 or 3 days a week, even though probation says he must go EVERY day, because of this he is currently in the 8th grade when he should be in the 11th. He has been in residential treatment twice, but was unable to complete the second stay because I was laid off and lost my insurance. He is charming and funny and popular, until he hears the words no. He knows what to say to manipulate his way out of everything, my heart is breaking and I just don't understand the thought process, he just refuses to to follow anyone elses rules. He will tell you to your face as convincing as can be, but the minute you are out of site it's a free for all. They don't have daycare for 15 year olds. I have a 19 year old that is responsible and trustworthy. I know that my 15 year old thinks we hate him, that we are out to get him, he may be right we are out to get him on the right path before it's too late. My husband and I both have an extensive history of alcholics and addicts in our families and that scares me, I am terrified that my son will too end up in jail because he refuses to learn fom his mistakes. He is making home a hell on earth, you never know what to expect. My heart drops every time the phone rings. It is so hard to get away from the drugs these days esspecially for teen and pre-teens, there are no after school programs like when I was young, I was shocked that at 12 years of age my son was taking xanax and dringking, he had tried heroin, cocaine,xtc, acid, mushrooms and god knows what else. These were all given to him by other middle school children and I'm told some parents even gave my son drugs??? The drugs are everywhere, what can you do? You can't be with your child 24/7? Wow. I could have been the author of your story. My 16yo son is currently in residential treatment as we speak. This is his 6th admittance. His drugs of choice are anything he can get his hands on. Meth, cocaine, pot, alcohol, pills...you name it, he's done it. Like you, I have two older daughters who are perfect examples of what young people should be. One has graduated college and is working in the medical field. The other is an honors student who never had a "b" in her life, and is currently looking forward to the next semester of college to start. She plans on becoming a psychiatrist. Both girls work and pay their own bills, and neither of them live at home in order to do so. My son has a 7th grade education, having dropped out the minute he could legally do so. The only thing that kept ME out of jail for his refusal to go to school was the fact that the system knew I tried everything in my power to get him to attend...even calling Campus Police to get him out of bed and take him there themselves. Still...nothing worked. These kids' dad died from an accidental drug overdose. HIS drug of choice was oxycontin. He had been incarcerated for first degree murder, for giving another addict this particular med...and it caused his death, b/c he was an alcoholic on top of everything else. In this state, if you give someone a substance that causes their death, even if they ask for it, it's grounds for murder charges. And rightfully so. His bail was lowered enough for him to bond out, and 3 days later he was dead....the day after his 47th birthday. I didn't marry him like this...he started using 12 years into the marriage, and it took me 8 years to realize that *I* couldn't get him "clean". Love for us had nothing to do with it. His love for the drug was stronger. What bothers me is that there are people who genuinely NEED those meds that others abuse, and it puts THEM in a bad light. Because drug addiction makes the headlines, the other side of the story is never told. There ARE people out there who use the meds for the reasons they are intended....and don't abuse. Those who do abuse simply make anyone who has to take a prescription narcotic look like an addict. And that's simply not true at all. These meds have real value....but not for someone with an addictive personality and impulse control issues. The argument could be made that my son's father is the reason for his problems. DNA could be at fault here. That wouldn't quite wash with me as I have other children who are successful, and they lived in the same house my son did. You think you're protecting your children from certain things, only to find out that they know more than you realize. As a mother, you do the best job you can given the resources at your disposal and whatever knowledge you have. And sometimes....after YEARS of tolerating the kind of behaviors described by the poster above, you just get plain old TIRED. YOUR energy reserves are depleted...YOUR emotions have run the gamut to the point that you have nothing much left except despair. YOUR frustration knows no bounds as you come to realize that the help available is usually a case of "too little, too late". In this state, there is ONE inpatient drug treatment center for adolescents...yet there are tons of residential treatment centers. These places aren't experts at dealing with addicts.....they too, are doing the best they can with the resources available to them. The best they can do is to try to get to the root of WHY someone abuses, and to change that about them. I haven't seen much success. I wish Brandon well....maybe he IS spoiled rotten...maybe his parents ARE enablers...that is just an opinon shared by someone else. Until you've walked the proverbial mile in someone else's shoes...any opinon you have is based on hypothesis.....because you can't truly UNDERSTAND what it's like until you've been there. And for your own sake...you need to pray that you don't.... |
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