Quote From: kyrosemom Why does she keep the children away? Could you have been a part of the problem? Now, in some cases there are innocent grandparents who this happens to, but in a lot of them, from what I have seen, the grandparent is to blame as well.
I told my husband that if his family could not show me at least basic respect, that they will not see the kids. I do not care if they love me or even like me, but as their mother, I deserve to be treated at least cordially. So far, so good. No one has really been disrespectful in a way that I could not handle, in about 3 yrs.
I do not care who flames me. NO ONE, even GPs, have "rights" to another person's child. Grandparenting is a privilege. I am all for GPs. I had wonderful GPs. But, my GP did not treat my parents disrespectfully, either.
I am not saying this is your case. But if you could elaborate further, we could understand better.
I agree that it's hurtful to use children as a "prize" for behavior, however, IF the behavior of the MIL is DAMAGING to the children, and I said "IF"..........then there is a time when the children need to be pulled back for their own emotional well-being.
I have a MIL that would love to make my life very difficult, however, I let my husband handle her and I get on with my life. I have had to put her in her place several times after she's made ridiculous suggestions to my husband to go visit an old girlfriend on vacation.....and she's left me alone ever since.
She treated my 11-yr old daughter horribly after first meeting her (this is our second marriage - his first wife died a few years ago) and I've decided for my daughter's sake, and also with my husband in 100% agreement, to keep them seperate from each other.
Children are innocent and never ask to get caught in the middle. If the relationship is damaging to the children, I say do whatever it takes to protect them, even if someone else's feelings have to be compromised.
My daughter does continue a relationship within the family with someone I don't agree with, and I allow it.......I ONLY allow it as long as it doesn't become my daughter's problem. As long as the boundries are respected as far as their relationship with my daughter I will allow the relationship between them to continue. If they cross the boundries, I'll make my decision as the parent to protect my child at the cost of any of the adults' feelings.
Concerned Parent in Colorado
